The Working Mom

It has been my realization that even though there are a lot of working mothers out there.  There is little support for them.  I came to realize this even before I had JT and has become even more clear after.  I got very upset one day reading a book about Breastfeeding and the author implyed that all women had a choice about going back to work or staying home with their child.  She also insinuated that all women that went back to work did it for selfish reasons.  Well needless to say I did not finish that book and I cussed at the author as I read it. 

Here is my two cents.  If I had any choice at all I would be home with my child, but unfortunately my income is the main income. We are just now recovering from two years where my husband was unemployed or seasonally employed doing ranch work. We struggled along and did our best not to get in debt or become a drain on society.  This being said I had to return to work after 7 weeks paid maturnity leave. This was a dreaded event but back to work I went.  Thankfully for the first eight weeks my mother has been able to watch JT.  Even with my mom watching him that first day was terrible.  I didn't know how he would do.  I worried about if he would eat from the bottle, would he take naps like he should, would he cry the whole day, and will this do him permenent damage even though I have no other options.  I called my mom several times that first day and he was doing fine.  He and grandma worked out their routine.  My mom figured out how he liked his bottles and the exact mix needed to have the breatmilk last the whole day. We have found that that I can't get enough milk pumped during the day and so add formula to the bottle to make full bottles. They worked out their routine and he has flourished.

I think the pumping is where I feel the most alone and unsure of what I am doing.  There is little information for a working mother and pumping.  You wonder how often, how long, and how you know if you are doing it right.  I have found that I can't pump enough and so have tried to figure out ways to get more pumped.  I envy those that could pump enough to have milk stored up.  Then I worry about not having enough to feed JT and my milk supply not increasing.  I can definately see why women go to formula.  It is so much easier.  But a lesson I have learned in my life is that easier is almost always not better and so I press on pumping 4-5 times during the work day for around 10 minutes each time.  The other thing that is frustating is that all the activities for mothers and support for moms is during the day for those mothers that stay at home.  There is nothing for women/moms that work. 

The next big step is in a couple of weeks JT has to start daycare.  I almost started crying in the car the other day when I thought about the fact that I was going to have to leave him with a complete stranger and trust this person to meet his needs and keep him safe.  It makes it hard b/c I know all the things that could happen b/c of my job.  I know that first day will be hard and I will check in often but I would be a complete mess if I hadn't been able to have that time where my mom was watching him.

In all of this, I find that I have to watch myself and not get bitter about my job, about our situation financially and bitter toward those that somehow are able to stay at home with their children.  I am jealous and sometimes find myself asking God why I didn't get a miracle like others that allowed them to get to be home with their babies.  I know that He has a plan and I know that there is a reason that He has kept me working where I am.  I know that He will keep JT safe and I know that this is only a season that can change in a heartbeat.

Fourth of July

We had a fun fourth of July.  We went to Granny's house (aka Great Grandma's).  Grandpa roasted a hog and the neighborhood came by to celebrate the summer, friends, and the country that we live in.  Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate and the wind decided to blow but that didn't stop everyone from coming inside playing music and continuing the festivities.  JT was sporting his new outfit from our good friend who lives in Germany.  We were all cracking up at his sunglasses that are still a little big for his head.  I continue to be amazed at how long he.  We had his two month well baby check and he was 11 pound 7 ounces and 24 1/2 inches long.  He has started to talk a lot more and smile.  He is holding his head up and likes to stand up on his long legs.  We are getting into more of a routine and sleeping for six hours or more at night.  I can't complain. We are liking our car seat much more, bathes much more, and being naked much more than just a few weeks ago. He is a good baby and we are enjoying him emensely!

Pictures by Anne Marie Imagery - 3 weeks old

Two Months Old

I can hardly believe that he is two months old.  He has had a growth spurt in the last few days and we finally graduated from newborn clothes and newborn diapers.  He has started smiling more and interacting more.  He likes to talk to you.  He is awake much more and able to really able focus on you.  He keeps getting longer and so far is the "tallest" out of the other babies close to his age.  He is sleeping the majority of the night.  Thank the Lord.  He likes to be held and he likes to move around and see what it happening.  We are enjoying him immensely.  Enjoy the pics...


                                                           Baby happy dance...

Funny face...

The "mom why are you harrassing me" look...

Just hanging out...

Our little Rockies fan...

The half dazed, I think I am hungry look...

One month +

First bath...NOT LOVING IT...


Grandma and JT...

Cuteness...

Using the binkie...only lasted a week...

Ready for story time on the boppy...

Tummy time...

Outfit that Grandma bought for baby dedication on Mother's day...

Just being cute...

Mom couldn't resist just too darling...

Adjusting to life on the outside

First time in the Swing...




Dad and Big brother...



First outing...



Cute outfit...



Four generations plus some...

Welcome to the world

Here are pictures of when he was first born and going home from the hospital...In reverse order of course b/c I struggle with this blog and pictures :)...


Home at last

Getting ready to enbark on the world...

Swaddled and content...

Weighing just right...

Oh the trauma of the leaving the womb...

The Story of Joseph Thomas Ickes

It was my intention to do this much sooner b/c I was waiting with baited breath to use this blog to brag on my family and provide pictures to those of you who are interested. I found however that I wanted to spend as much time with my baby when I was home and so I had little opportunity to sit down at the computer until I returned back to work.

So starts the story of Joseph Thomas Ickes (JT for short). JT was not due until April 23 but we knew that he was coming early b/c I started dialating at 37 weeks and was having prelabor craps the week before he was born. I was ready for him to come. I was swelling and felt like death warmed over. JT decided to kick things into gear on Monday April 12 while I was at work. I noticed that my mucous plug was coming out and I called my doula to confirm my suspicions. I managed to make it through the day at work and when I got home and lied down on the couch the contractions started. They really kicked in around nine in the evening and so we called the doula again and started timing them. They got more regular and the doula came to our house to be another support. Finally around 2 AM Tuesday morning we went to the hospital hoping that we were well on our way b/c the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. Unfortunately, when we got to the hospital I was only dialated to 2 cm but was effaced to the point that they kept me at the hospital. So began the regimen of walking the halls, sitting on the birthing ball, standing and bathroom runs. This continued for another 13 hours. I eventually had to have some pain medicine b/c JT and I were getting tired and needed to rest. We labored and eventually had take some pitocin to try and get dilated from a 7 to a 10 with the doctor saying that if it didn't happen within the hour that it would be a C-section. Well, it finally came and we started pushing. Unfortunately, JT got a little crooked and it was 3 hours of pushing. I was a little disheartening when the lady in the next room started pushing at the sametime as me and 45 minutes later had a baby and mine felt like an eternity to get out. JT finally graced us with his presence at 2 AM Wednesday April 14, 2010. He was perfect!!! He was healthy and one of the first things he did was pee on the nurses. He is his father's son :) Unfortunately for me, my placenta was stuck and the doctor was not able to get it out and so after 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing I had to go into surgery in order for them to get the placenta out. So I held JT and tried to nurse really fast before I had to go have a D&C. Apparently, I was losing a lot of blood and almost had to have a blood transfusion but by the grace of God I did not. I was finally in my room by around 4 AM and never been happier b/c our baby had gotten here safely and was healthy. I would have never been able to get through it without Rusty and my doula being there through the whole thing.

There were about a million things I was thankful for on that day. I was thankful that Rusty's parents and my parent's were able to be there when he was born and have time to get each other better. I was thankful for the two nurses that I had. They were awesome!!! I was thankful for Rusty and how well he did through the whole thing. I was thankful for my doula that walked and walked with me and helped to support Rusty and I while we were in the trenches. I was thankful for the special time I had with JT just him and I Wednesday morning while his daddy slept. I was thankful for all the visitors and gifts that we got. What a blessing!!!

5 1/2 weeks to go

I am in the final count down. I had an ultrasound today and everything looks good. He is in just the right position and it was cute b/c he got the hickups during the untrasound. I am hanging in there. Of course we decided to try and fix up our house to put on the market so we have been staying busy painting, putting new floors down and putting stuff in storage. It is taking longer than we would have liked and I am getting more and more useless. Thankfully, I am still able to paint (no heavy lifting involved). Our hope is to sell our house and be able to buy something a bigger that is around the same morgage payment as we are paying right now. I remind myself that God is in control of it all, including timing. I am getting more and more uncomfortable but I think that is good b/c it has made me anxious to get to meet this little man but not too early I keep reminding him.

As the due date closes in, I find that we are in need of prayer. We had hoped that Rusty would have found employment by now but he hasn't. I am at a loss of what to do about daycare b/c we just have no way of paying for it and don't know who we would even go to. I have to say that I hate the fact that he is going to have to go to daycare at so little but right now there are few options for us. We still need to get his room cleaned out and ready. I realize that we are little behind in this aspect considering a lot of people have this done at around six months or so. I am hoping to do some of it when my family is here visiting during their Spring Break.

I am getting very excited to meet him even though there are questions about how in the world we are going to pay for everything. But there are several things ihat are for sure God knows, God is in control, God can do anything, and God is our provider.

Hopefully the next blog will be reports of being in labor and his arrival.

Sorry

Sorry for the funky text by the picture. Silly blogger does't preview like it actually shows.

28 weeks and counting

I had my monthly check up yesterday and everything is looking good. No gestational diabetes, yippee. My iron looks good and everything sounds good. Here is an updated picture, not professional but better than nothing. I am thankful for each week that goes by b/c that means we are getting that much closer to getting to meet the little guy. I am amazed at how people feel that being pregnant gives them free rein to start up conversations and ask you questions like they have known you before. It does get a little disheartening when all you hear is how big you are getting. My advice to all is to just tell a pregnant person how great they look. That is what they need to hear :) Thanks for all for the continued prayer and support.

Looking good

Had my monthly check up with the doc and everything is looking good. I am on track on weight and belly size. The heartbeat is steady and strong. Thanks for the prayers!

Happy New Year!!!

In amazement it is the last day of 09 and soon approaching 2010. This last year has been eventful but yet seems uneventful at the same time. Our prayers for the next year is that Rusty will find steady employment, a healthy baby boy will be born on his due date, and that we will grow in our relationship with God, with each other, with our families and our friends. That we would be thankful in all things and continue to have teachable hearts throughout the ups and downs. Our prayers for you is that you would be blessed with love, relationship, provision, and a thankful/content heart this new year. Love to all this new year!!!


Laura and Rusty

Christmas Letter 2009

Dear Friends and Family,

I thought that I would write a little note this year. I know that for most of us that it was a year filled with joys and sorrows. We for the most part are doing pretty well. Last year, at this time, Rusty was laid off from his job as a drafter. In some ways it was a blessing b/c he was having to work in Grand Junction and be gone during the week. It also gave him time to finish the remodel on our bathroom before our holiday guests arrived. He was unemployed until around May and started working for a ranch locally where he worked up until the middle of November. He enjoyed it immensely and has manged to accumulate two horses, another dog, and various tack. He rediscovered his love for horses and working outdoors. Unfortunately, it has come to an end and we are back to wondering what to do next.

I am still working for the Center for Mental Health in Montrose. In April, I finished all my hours and obtained my license in counseling. After all the hoops and paperwork, I am very proud of myself for finally getting it. Thankfully, it came at just the right time b/c I got a sizeable raise. So by the grace of God, we have stayed above water financially and have become very aware of how to be thankful for the little things like food, shelter, and friends.

Blake is now six years old and started kindergarten this year. He loves riding the school bus and informed me that he "knew that he was going to have fun but he was learning a lot too." He has started wanting to know how to spell everything and tries to figure out that letters are in words. It is fun to watch his mind grasp all of these new things.

We are happy to announce that we are going to have a new addition come to our family the end of April. We are around five months pregnant and very excited about having a little one in our home. So far, the baby looks healthy and has a good strong heart beat. We are, however, in a quandary about where we are going to fit baby stuff due to the fact that we are at max capacity in our home currently but we will fugure something out. We are just so thankful for this new life that all the stresses pale in comparison.

Even with the ups and downs, we got to take a few trip this year. In April, we got to take my grandmother to California to celebrate with my aunt and uncle their 30th wedding anniversary. In August, Rusty and Blake got to experience their first major league baseball game at Coors field and watch the Rockies win. In September, Rusty and I joined my mom and sister in Steamboat Springs to enjoy the fall colors and just get away. We also got to take a couple of trips to Durango for a family reunion and a friend's wedding over the summer.

We hope that you all have a wonderful holiday and a year full of blessings. We hope to see you soon.

Love,

Rusty, Laura, Blake, and Baby Ickes

Half way

I just had my 20 week check up. I am officially half way with the pregnancy and have started feeling the little man kick and he is active. We got to have the ultrasound tech train on us with the 3-D ultrasound pictures and the little guy likes to keep his hands around his face. On one of them he had his little finger on his lip like he was thinking. We also got to see him moving his jaw like he was eating. It was very cute. Everything is going great and I am feeling really good. I was having trouble with my back but a few weeks of physical therapy helped that a ton.

On the homefront, Rusty is officially back on unemployment and searching for a job while working as many odd jobs as he can get. We are starting to have a pattern of unemployment starting in December...not the best timing :( We are hopeful and trusting that God will provide. We have our house all decorated and got to have outside lights, which made Rusty very excited. He is going to be riding his horse in the parade on Saturday and I am in a quandry of whether I want to ride on his float or watch the parade. All I know is that it is going to be cold and possibly snowy. We have a wedding coming up for a good friend and family functions. Not looking forward too much to the family functions b/c had a little altercation with one of Rusty's cousins. Well really it was her yelling at me and me trying to defuse the situation. But needless to say it has made things awkward and trying to limit my contact if possible. That is about it for right now. Happy Christmas!!!!

Results

Praise the Lord. We got the results back from the amnio and everything looks normal with no evidence of abnormalities. We also got the results that the baby is for sure a boy. We are totally stoked. We met with a doula last night that we really liked and I am glad to have that added support throughout the pregnancy to make sure that I am doing everything to keep the baby healthy and me healthy and to have a healthy delivery. Rusty told Blake about the baby last weekend and he was pretty ambivolent about it. He thought that being an older brother wouldn't be too bad but when Rusty said that he could be an older brother like his, he told Rusty that "sometimes my brothers are mean". It is so funny how kids brains work.



Also, Rusty might have a lead on a job. He met with a guy from Colorado Workforce yesterday and got his resume and cover letter sent to him last night. We are hopeful that this might lead to something but one can never tell. All we know is that Rusty is getting fewer and fewer paid days at his current job. This time has been a good lesson in how to live day by day and appreciate that our needs are met for the day.



Thank you for the prayers and I will keep you posted.

Big News

It has come time to make the big annoucement that we are pregnant. I am 15 weeks and everything looks good. I have had three ultrasounds and have gotten to hear the heartbeat twice. It is a good heartbeat and nothing looks out of the ordinary. We are very excited. The due date is around April 23, 2009. We would ask for your prayers b/c I have what is called a balanced translocation with is a technical term for two of my chromosomes decided swap pieces which puts us at higher risk of having birth defects. We have our amniocentisis on November 10 and would ask for prayers of protection for the baby and that baby Ickes would be healthy and whole.



With this wonderful new, I ask for prayers. 1) for Rusty that he would find steady employment that would provide for our family. We are barely scraping by and we go week to week wondering if he will have a job next week. 2) a miracle so that I can stay home with the baby for at least three months before having to go back to work. If everything goes right I should have two months paid for by sick leave and annual leave but after that it would be no income for a month. My heart's decire is to be able to stay home or work part time but right now my income is the one that pays the bills. 3) wisdom in what to do with our house. We are busting at the seems and have no room for baby things. Right now the baby will share our room the best that we can but something is going to have to give. We are contemplating adding on but of course finances are an issues and also time. So needless to say we are not sure what to do but our house is not going to suffice for very much longer.



We are both very excited but also sitting wondering how in the world God is going to pull this off. We know that his timing is perfect and that he is in control. So we sit and we wait and we trust and do what we can right now. But it is true God has provided for us each day and we have what we need for today and there is little more we can ask for. I have found that it is hard not to worry about the future and not to try and figure it out on my own, however futile.



Thank you for joining us in prayer and being a part of our family.

Not much happening

I realized that I hadn't updated in a while. Unfortunately there has not been a ton happening. Rusty is working long hours cutting corn on the ranch. I have been working a lot it feels like. Blake has started kindergarden and loving it. He may love riding the bus to school the most. However he is learning his sound for reading and has a very nice teacher. We just celebrated his sixth birthday over the weekend. The theme was Star Wars. Wasn't that a theme when we were kids? It comes full circle I guess. I have been watching TV a lot getting started with Dancing with the Stars and Biggest Loser. They suck me in. It is pretty sad. We had a good time going to the Rockies game and seeing my mom in Denver at her new pad. It is a little resort in the middle of Denver. This weekend I am going to spend the weekend with my mom and sister in Steamboat Springs so that should be fun. I am still holding out hope that Rusty will be able to go with me rather than have to work. We will see. Thinking back on my life I think that this is the longest period of time that no big changes have happened. I haven't moved. I haven't changed jobs. It is sometimes weird b/c things are stable and the same. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that that would be weird.

Its a mystery

Can someone explain to me why there are periods of time where your money doesn't last like it used to? I swear that things are more tight right now than when Rusty was unemployed. Now how is that possible!? Anyway God is Good. He knows what he is doing. This last week we have had Blake. We have had fun playing with other kids, going to the park, and other stuff. We partook of the Olathe Sweet Corn festival and Clint Black in concert. It was very good (if you like country music). Last night our homegroup went to our pastor's home and helped him with his home renouvations. I painted with some other people while the other put down laminate flooring. It was a good time of fellowship and serving. Thankfully nothing is planned for this weekend so we all can catch up on sleep from this week :) We have decided that any shyness that Blake had has disappeared. He is the chattiest boy that I have seen and is so excited by the little things. I really am enjoying this age and can't believe that he is starting kindergarden in a few weeks. I am excited for him however. The next event coming up is going to Denver to see mom and go to the Rockies game with the whole family. Should be a good time! Later...

Surprises

You know life is full of little surprises. Last week I got to go to a training on being a facilitator for the Nurturing Parenting program where it helps families to raise their children in nurturing and not abusive homes. You know you go to a training and just expect to learn the information. This training was very personal and deep, which was such a surprise, but it stirred up a deep sadness. It made me realize how much I miss having deep/vulnerable conversation. We talked about our stresses, our fears, and our struggles. I just realized that even after three years I continue to struggle connecting with my community. I was talking with a co-worker about this and I think part of it has to do with the job that I do. I have built up a wall again b/c of always being aware of confidentiality and also boundaries with client's. I am going to have to find balance on this one. But I sure am looking forward to facilitating the nurturing parenting classes. I think that it will be really good and something that will teach me a lot. On another note, I got the priveledge of watching my husband participate in a ranch rodeo. It was tons of fun. If anyone gets a chance to go to a ranch rodeo it is a good time. I was very proud of my husband. Today is our two year anniversary. I told him last night that I can hardly believe that it has been two years b/c it feels like so much has happened in these two years. I do love my husband and love our life together no matter the struggles and challenges. Life is quite the journey.

Holiday weekends

I have decided that holiday weekends are not the time to have a wedding. I was in my friends wedding that was on the fourth of July. There were several things that made it challenging. The first was being married this time. It is hard to take care of your responsibilities of the wedding party and keep your family entertained in the meanwhile. It is hard to be involved in a wedding where you have lived before. It makes it hard to visit with everyone that you want to see. The other challenge is that your responsiblities make it so your family cannot enjoy the festivities of the holiday. We missed the parade and going camping over the weekend. Thankfully I will never have to plan my own wedding again but for others please don't schedule your wedding on a holiday weekend :)

The Good, the Bad, and just plain life

As much as it is my intention to write more than once a month it never seems to happen. I still am unable to download picture onto my computer and so my blogs are pictureless, which makes me sad. We made it to the family reunion where all of the first cousins came together for the very first time. The last time was in 1980 before my sister was born. I was nice to see everyone and meet my little second cousins for the first time. The next trip is back to Durango for a wedding of a good friend on the Fourth. I am actually in the wedding and so have this and that I have to go to. We will see how Rusty and Blake do with all the festivities. I got to spend some good time with my mom and sister. My mom came for about two weeks and Becky has been here for the month of June. I actually was in God's perfect timing that they were here b/c Rusty and I had another miscarriage and it was nice to have them stay with me b/c Rusty had to work. So we watched a bunch of movies. If you think about us we (or maybe I) could use prayer. This is the fourth miscarriage and we are fighting getting discouraged. It is also hard b/c after each one it gets harder to tell people and so you feel more isolated. My body doesn't know if it is coming or going. We know that it is God's perfect timing. I am just feeling weak, beatdown, and not myself. I also know that God is at work and there is a reason for everything and that good will come. But it is hard not to dwell on why and why it has to be so hard for me when others have no issue. Life is not fair and there is not a thing you can do about it.

I Love the Spring, but I love Summer more

Well, with the warmer weather and the green goodness that is on the trees and ground has brought breakthroughs in our life and is a constant reminder that the Lord brings new things and is always good. I finally got all my paperwork to go through and have obtained my counseling license. It was quite a process and feels like more of an accomplishment than I thought it would be. So I am officially a Licensed Professional Counselor. All it means for me is a pay raise, more job obligations and greater opportunity in the future. Rusty has started working for a local ranch full-time. That is a huge blessing. He is loving getting to cowboy and get paid for it. He got a horse and he just ordered his own saddle. The boy is in heaven :) Also, we got to take a trip to visit my aunt and uncle in Cresent City, CA. We took my grandma to be with them to celebrate their 30 wedding aniversary. It was great to see different county and to get out of dodge for a while. The highlight was seeing a seal in the ocean, the Redwood trees, and my uncle playing his autoharp in his Boondock Band. I realized that this is one of the first trips that I have taken that I was really ready to come home. Usually I just want to stay where I am. It was a nice feeling to feel like home was a place I wanted to come back to. Things we are looking foward to are: getting together with my family the first weekend of June in Durango, my sister coming to stay with my local grandma for a few weeks and having her for a good chunk of time, and of course any outside activities we can squeeze in.

Not much happening

I have to say that there has not been much happening as of late. Rusty is still working out on the ranch and yet to get paid for anything. He has his up and downs with regards to that. He is really trying to start a business with his friend training horses for people. I am still working on getting my licensure stuff through the system so that I can get a raise. So that is the financial end. Still struggling :( Some highlights from the last month have been that we got to see some relatives from my side that I had never met and had a really good visit with them. We are looking forward to next month taking my grandma to Northern California for my aunt and uncles anniversary. They are planning to renew their vows. It should be a beautiful drive and nice to get away for a bit. We are very thankful for Spring but it feels like Winter currently. It snowed yesterday. I hope that the cold goes away soon! Anyway, that is all for know.

Cowboy

Well the latest is that Rusty is working part time for a ranch building fence. He is also getting to ride horses and other ranch hand stuff. He is enjoying it but unfortunately it is sporatic work and not full time but it is something. He is getting to wear his boots and all his "cowboy" gear and is thrilled. His finger has healed up nicely and thankfully we qualified for indigent at the hospital and was able to pay for the ER visit without going broke. Other than that we are surviving. My dad came to visit over the weekend and so we enjoyed time with him and watching movies. I do love to watch movies. We watched Appaloosa, Swing Vote, Fireproof, and Righteous Kill. Also watched Comanche Moon, Lonesome Dove, and Maclintoch. It was cute on Valentine's day Rusty and I celebrated two years together (b/c our first date was lunch on V-day). We went to the restaurant where we had our first date and the girl remembered that it was our anniversary and had us sit in the same spot we did two years ago. It was funny. That is all for now...more later..

What Next...

Not too much has changed with us. Rusty is still unemployed and looking but there is just not anything out there at this time. I am hoping that with Spring on the way and the inaugeration over that things might pick up or something will change. Last week, Rusty was building a campbox for a friend and cut a chunk of his left index finger off. So we had an ER visit without insurance. Thankfully I think that we will qualify for indigent and get a discount on it but will find out for sure on Friday. I met with the lady about getting Rusty and Blake back on insurance on Monday, but unfortunately it doesn't look like he will be insured again until March. Can I just say that health insurance makes me angry. It is a racket with no regulations and does not serve the people who need it. They just want to rob the ones that don't have health problems and not pay or allow the ones that need it to get it. To have added Rusty to my insurance would have been over a thousand dollars. Ludicrous!!! You know it is so hard to keep taking the hits. It is not hard to believe that God is going to take care of it. It is not hard to believe that God is going to provide. But it is hard not to get beat down by all the little stuff in the mean time. I find that I just want to do nothing. I take that back I want to sleep. I don't have any energy for anything. Poor Rusty is bored out of goard b/c he can't really do anything for another few days. If you think about please it pray for us. Thanks...

The End of 2008

As the end of the year comes and goes, I wonder about this year. In some ways it seems like a blur. I always try to thing about the year and things done. It started out pretty darn stable and it has ended not so much. At the beginning of the year, we were settled in our house, both had desk jobs, and things were flowing pretty smoothly. Rusty got back into Archery. We went to a few shoots and did stuff with other people but it didn't seem super busy. We were going along and then summer hit and things started changing in good ways it seemed at first. Rusty started getting different oppertunities at work. He went on a trip to Montana and things seemed good. Then August hit. My grandfather died and we had some other losses and Rusty had to start working out of town during the week. The fall was nice and mild but Rusty was having more difficulties at work and things were good financially but it was getting more stressful. November we decided to start a remodel on our bathroom. A few weeks after that Rusty was laid off. As I reflect on the year I am just reminded of how little control we have and we cannot trust in this world. All I can think of is the verse that stated that we do not trust in chariots but in the Lord, our God. I also have to think about the word "comfortable". It seems so nice but is it what God wants for us. Does He want us to be comfortable? Does he want us to have it easy? I kind of don't think so. I say that b/c when we are comfortable and things are easy we don't grow as much. We aren't challenged. When I started the Bible study "When I lay my Isaac Down" in the Fall that God was preparing me for stuff that was coming. The kicker is that I think we have only seen the tip of the iceberg in the challenges ahead. I also know that there is a lot of good ahead and a lot of blessings ahead. And in those times that I feel overwhelmed and wondering how much more. I thank God that he is teaching me to rely on Him and His strength, and His provision. Happy New Year, all. And may you trust and depend on God in whatever comes your way this next year.

Life is unpredictable...

Well, the journey of life continues...with this month and last month being no different. Thanksgiving was very interesting with my maternal aunt and uncle coming unexpectedly. The last holiday I had spent with them was about 20 years ago. It was challenging and I had a very bad attitude on a day that I should have been nothing but thankful. But we did beat the storm home and did not have to contend with any bad roads and got back for the homemade turkey and noodles with Rusty's family. December has started with a bang. Rusty got laid off from his job this last week. But the miracle of this is that we are both very peaceful about it. I feel like that God has something better for us and that this may have been the only way for Him to show us. I feel that it is much better for Rusty and already his attitude has become much more positive and I love having him home all the time. So we are just waiting for God to show us where to go and what to do. Because all in all God is our provider not man. As always we could use your prayer for wisdom and discernment in this time of decisions and tight finances during the holiday season. Then on Thursday, we went to a genetic counselor b/c we had a blood test come back showing that I had some funky things going on with my chromosomes. Come to find out I have what it called a balanced translocation where part of my 16 chromosome attached to 18 and part of 18 attached to 16. So what that means is that some of my eggs either are missing some chromosome parts and have too many chromosome parts. This just puts me at higher risk for further miscarriages and also for birth defects if I have a pregnancy go to term. But the genetic counselor made it sound like that we have a good chance of having a healthy pregnancy with no complications. So just pray that Rusty's swimmers find the healthy eggs that have all the right chromosomes. Last, pray that we get our bathroom remodel finished. Right now I have no toilet and no shower. Needless to say we have been spending a lot of time at Rusty's parents :) Love you all and Merry Christmas

Pic of the Fam

Here is a picture of the family. We had a friend come and take family pictures in a park near our house. I think they turned out pretty darn good. Other news, Rusty is still working out of town and has just about hit his limit of dealing with all the crap associated with it. So any prayer of what next for us would be appreciated. I had a whole bunch of blood tests done to see if there was a reason for me having recurrent pregnancy losses and they found that there was something funky happening with my chromosomes. Apparently, instead of splitting identical, one strand has too many on it and another doesn't have enough even though I have all the right things. So we are most likely going to have to go to a Geneticist to see what that means, if anything. On a different note, we started remodeling our bathroom. We are combining the two since they are right next too each other to make one whole bathroom rather than two partial bathrooms. It has become quit the project due to the plaster walls rotting, the floor rotting and no insulation in the walls. So lets just say that demolition is taking a little longer than expected, but I think that the finished product will be nice. I am looking foward to having the sink and the shower in the same room. Oh, and our rescued cat is pregnant, we think. So in the next few weeks or so we could forseeably have kittens. Anybody want one? :) That's all for know, until next time...

Yard Sale of all Yard Sales

Here are some pictures from out trip to Arizona to have a yard sale of my grandfather's and father's stuff. It was set up like an estate sale where everything in the house had a price tag. I want to set the stage for you. St John's Arizona is not a very big town. I maybe has 3000 residents maybe, no modern day emeneties, and two dollar stores. We had the sale on Saturday and Sunday. It was incredible b/c almost everything sold that include polished rocks, petrified wood, trickets, all the furniture, and other miscellaneous items. My dad cleared out the garage that was full of his stuff. Granted we took home some stuff like old home videos, Disney movies, and some of our childhood stuff. Oh, lets not forget a cat that we found also. My aunt and uncle from Texas came to help and my Uncle from Pennsylvania. Rusty and I had the pleasure of driving him to Albequerque to catch his flight home. It was nice to spend some time with him. All in all my dad made 2 grand and so the top picture is the celebration dinner of a successful yard sale and family time together. Oh and an update from last post. I did finally get my house clean with a day of fun watching a pumpkin shoot, going through a corn maze, and picking pumpkins from a pumpkin patch. Thank you Jesus.

You know I have been think about friendships as of late and the stuff that life throws at us. We can not do this life alone but it is so hard to maintain good close friendships. I know that I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like my life is consumed by my job and I spend much of my free time trying to find the energy to do all my "chores" around the house. I can't keep up on anything. I can't keep my house clean. I can't keep up with all the people that I care about. I feel like I am not always there even when I am with my family. Right now I am feeling brain dead. I am fried and I am tired and there is nothing I can do but keep doing what I am doing and pray that I find the energy to do the things that must be done. We cannot survive without human interaction. I realize at this point that I am needing help but I don't know who to ask. Everyone is just as busy as me and can keep on top of stuff. How they do it I don't know. I don't want to harp on my husband b/c he is gone all week working long hours and the last thing I want is for him to be bombarded with chores when he is home on the weekends. All I want to do when I get home is nothing. It takes all the energy that I have to do something. All I want to do in the mornings is sleep two more hours. I do have some friends here but I don't see or talk to them but every other week or once per month. I have a home group but very few we have gotten close to and all super busy. I wish that I had a friend that was a part of my life that I saw on a regular basis and talked to on a regular basis that I know that I could call and ask to come help and I could go help her too. But I don't. So I continue on trying to manage and keep on top of and continue to do the things that have to be done in the hopes of getting to do some things that are fun.

The Happenings...

I have been thinking that I want to write more consistantly but then I am at a loss at times of what to write. Sometimes I feel like not much is happening that others would be interested in even though I feel busy. Let's see in the last few weeks Blake turned five years old and we had a Monster truck theme. He got lots of monster trucks and was thrilled. He displayed them for his mother to see when she came to pick him up. He kept saying "she will be so "purised". My sister has been going through a lot with her ex-boyfriend and having to make some really tough decisions. I have had to use a lot of what I have learned at my job to help her through it. Now I am paranoid about her safety and wishing that she did not live so far away. Our small group started up and we only have one other couple coming but us and I think it is great. To my old small group in Arkansas we are using your model and just going through the Book of Acts and just looking for what we notice and how to apply. I miss you guys!!! I started a Women's Bible Study and we are reading a heavy book about unthinkable circumstances and how to deal with them. The first bummer is that there is a client from where I work in the study. It makes is awkward for me due to keeping confidentiality and maintaining boundaries. The second thing hard about it that in this circumstance I really have to be careful and feel like I need to keep what I do for a living as a secret. Reason #1: b/c it might freak some of the women out and they choose not to share. Reason #2: they will want me to be the counselor. Also, I keep wondering to myself why God has me in that study. I guess time will tell. Rusty has two more weeks of being away during the week. I can't wait to have him home every night again. One praise is that we had some really great neighbors move in and we had them over for dinner last night. I absolutely adore their little three year old daughter that has decided my house is way more fun than hers and pops over whenever she can to play. That brings much joy. That is all for now...

I Am...

I took this from my friend's Sarah's Blog...

I am: a child of God, lover of Jesus, lucky wife, blessed step mom, and always learning
I think: that wisdom doesn't always come with age
I know: that God loves me, my family loves me, and my husband loves me
I want: to be able to give more
I have: many faults that need worked on
I wish: that parents didn't abuse their children
I hate: selfishness
I miss: my husband when he is away on work and my family
I fear: that I may not be able to have children of my own
I feel: very blessed
I hear: the familiar voices of co-workers coming to work
I smell: the lotion I just put on my hands
I crave: something that will make me not feel so tired
I search: for accurate information about the candidates to try and make an informed decision
I wonder: what our world is going to look like at the end of my life time
I regret: making financial decisions that resulted in bad debt
I love: snuggling with my husband
I ache: for the children and adolescents that I see that have no hope for the future
I care: about people and their stories
I always: worry about my weight
I am not: a shopper
I believe: that God is good and that He is in control
I dance: whenever I can, especially when my dad is around
I sing: all the time and when I am not singing, I whistle
I don’t always: do my chores
I fight: when I feel that there is injustice
I write: in my journal when I need to unload and process
I win: hardly ever; thank goodness I am not competitive
I lose: all the time; thank goodness I am not competitive
I never: could make up some of the stuff I hear and see at work
I confuse: my husband on a regular basis
I listen: to a lot of hurt throughout my days
I can usually be found: at work or at home...but not always :)
I am scared: of missing my purpose
I need: help all the time.
I am happy about: getting a reliable vehicle that meets our needs as a family

Hooray for September

Well I am glad that it is September. So far it has been a good three days :) We had a good labor day weekend. My mom and sister and her boyfriend came to visit. We went out to eat, played put-put golf, watched movies and had good discussions. On Labor Day, we had Blake and celebrated Rusty's mom's birthday. I am thankful for extra time that I have had with my sister in the last week. We drove down together to my grandfather's funeral and it was nice to just have sister time and then she stayed with us over the weekend. Rusty and I were blessed to get my grandfather's minivan. It is very nice and an answer to prayer b/c the Bronco was making some suspicious sounds. Rusty only has a couple of more weeks of being gone during the weekdays. I have been passing my time with Olympics and National Conventions. I have to say that this election is very interesting and confusing at the same time. It will definately be a history maker no matter who is elected. I just wish that it wasn't so hard to get accurate information that is not so biased and fake. Anyway, I digress. So I am looking forward in the next few weeks to have my schedule be normal, have time and energy to clean my house, to have our life group start again, get plugged in with a women's group through our church and to have my husband home with me all the time. Happy September!!!

Ready for September

Well the month of August has turned out to be a rough month. Rusty and I had another miscarriage. That was very hard and I missed a week of work. My grandfather passed away on Sunday and my poor dad had to find him. That made me the most sad. And to top it all off, Rusty is going to be gone Monday through Friday for the next four to six weeks for work. As my supervisor stated when it rains it poors. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude. I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control and he a good, good God. He has a plan and it is a great one and he it going to turn all the hard into things that bring him glory and us good.

Rough Night

Let me start from the beginning. Keifer was our family cat. Rusty had had Keifer for roughy 14 years. He was one of those cats that was a cuddler. He was a big cat and had good vocal cords and would let you know when things were not going his way. He was Rusty's cat until we got married and then he became more my cat. We would snuggle at night and he liked to sleep sprawled on my neck or shoulder or tucked under my arm. Well last night Keifer got sick all of a sudden and then started breathing really heavy. I contacted the on call vet and we were going to just keep an eye on him. Then about fifteen minutes later, Keifer started throwing up blood and so I called my in-laws to come and stay at the house b/c I had Blake and didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night to take the cat to the vet. So my father-in-law stayed at the house and my mother-in-law came with me to the vet. (You may be wondering where Rusty is. He is currently working up in Wyoming/Montana this week and won't be home until next week). But Keifer had already passed away by the time we made it the Vet. He apparently had a heart aneurism and died in less than a hour of getting sick. It was sad but I am glad that he went quickly and that Rusty and Blake didn't have to see him sick and can just remember him as the fun, beautiful, full of personality cat that he was. Blake and I joked this morning that Keifer was up with God a young cat just running around outside and having fun. Bye, Keifer.

Miscommunication

Please refer to previous blog. I meant that I had NO depression. Not that I was depressed :) OOPS :)

Hello Thirties

Well I am officially no longer in my twenties. I manages to get through my thirtieth birthday with depression in regards to getting on year older. I am not together surprised b/c I haven't had difficulty with any other age. But I did get to thinking about what happened in the last 10 years and it seems like forever ago since I turned twenty. I remember how happy I was not to be in my teens anymore. The rest of my twenties are slightly a blur and I can't remember much of what I did during that time. There was a lot that changed during that time however. I moved a ton of times, had several different jobs, lots of family changes, went to graduate school, started a career, got married, and grew leaps and bounds in the Lord. I am thoroughly convinced that the twenties are for self discovery and are jammed packed full of changes. I have enjoyed my twenties but I think that I am ready for my thirties. It just makes you wonder what in the world is going to happen in the next 10 years ?!!!

Camping Trip

Rusty, Blake and I went for a five day camping trip to the area around Lake City. We had a good time fishing, hiking, hanging out with family, and watching the fire works. Rusty's aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin's friends, and dad came up a few days after us and we had a good time. Blake was a trooper and was so proud that we went for five days. It was time for us to go home on the fifth day however. Blake was having more melt downs and fantom stomach pains and it was reported that the rain set in. We took our two dogs who managed to run off a few times but always found their way home. We had only had the one dog for about a week and she had a harder time with following directions than Tanner. Blake informed me when we got home that we didn't have to poop in a hole anymore. That is when you know you really went camping :) I am still amazed at the amount of laundry after camping b/c you have to wash the clothes that weren't worn b/c they still got dirty. I think this will probably become a family tradition. Time will tell.

New Addition

We have a new addition to our family. It is a one year old lab mix dog named Cloe. We had some friends that didn't want her anymore due to not being able to spend enough time with her to train her. She is much smaller than Tanner (thank goodness) but it is a house full with two dogs and a cat. Rusty is very excited to have two bird dogs and Cloe is learning fast the rules of the house and learning how to heel on her leash. It should be an adventure, we are taking Blake and the two dogs camping for five days. I'll let you know how it goes. By the way anyone, how do you post pictures in your blog? I am not the most technilogically inclined :)

Road Trips/Birthday parties

We made it to go see my grandpa in Arizona. It was a lot of driving through a lot of nothingness. That is the desert for you. We drove down there on Friday and got in around 6 PM. Left his house with my dad at 5 AM to drive to Phoenix to get my grandpa's fifth wheel. We got into Phoenix around 8 AM and then left at around 10 AM. The temp was at 105 when we were heading out. We got back to St John's at around 3 PM and then were back on the road at 5:30 AM and got back to Montrose at around 12 PM. Lots of road time, but it sure was nice to get back in Colorado with all the green and the cool, fresh air of the mountains. It was refreshing. Then at 3 PM we had our niece's first birthday party with lots of people, kids and presents. She got all kinds of presents but I was so excited when she was the most interested in the book that she got from us. I wanted to say "see all is not lost with our youth." What was sad was that was the only book. But she got a lot of the Leap Frog stuff that makes noises and has lights and is educational. So, not terrible. It was a busy weekend which made for a rough Monday morning :)

The Latest...

So the verdict on the car is that it is not worth fixing. I was right the engine went and to fix it would cost more than the car is worth. So we are down to a Ford Bronco (not exactly fuel efficient). So that means no long road trips for this chick for a time. On the same day that we found out about the car, we found out that our cat has diabetes and has to be given shots twice per day and that Blake broke his arm jumping on a trampoline. It was a very expensive day :) On a brighter note over memorial day weekend we went on our first backpacking trip to the National Monument. The weather cooperated and we walked our legs off and had a good time. We have also gotten to go mountain biking a few times now up near Grand Junction and have had good times doing that. We are just trucking through life it seems and nearing our first year anniversary. Pretty crazy! We are looking forward to going to visit my grandpa in Arizona in a couple of weeks. He has been sick and it is just time. This is a time that finances be damned family is too important.

Car Saga

So, I know most of you know the trouble that I have had with my car. I have put a new transmission in it, a new fuel system, a new muffler, two new mirrors, had to bypass the keys system so that I could afford extra keys, a new clutch, a new radiator, etc. I thought that I had finally fixed everything and I would have a period of not having to fix my car. Wrong. The other night it just decided to start making this horrible clanking noise and not start. I think that the engine has finally went. That is the only thing that I haven't fix in it. The thing that gets me is that the car is a 2001. Not that old! Things are just not made like they used to be. The other ironic thing is that we had called this week to get knew tires for it today. It died yesterday. Ugggh! So the money we would use to get tires will know have to go to getting it fixed AGAIN! I hate motorized vehicles. Thankfully we are almost completely non dependent on our vehicles. Rusty and I can walk to work, the grocery, the library, downtown, and anywhere else we can ride our bikes. So there you stupid car you can't stop us! Other than make us broke :( Where is a rich relative when I need one :) Oh well, so goes life...

Soap Box

Rusty talked about doing a letter to the editor. I decided I would vent on my blog. Since we move to our house in town. We both are either walking or riding out bikes to work almost daily. Here is my gripe. I have almost been hit by a car twice! That is right twice. I was over half way across the crosswalk this most recent time. I could have knocked on the lady's car window before she saw me. I have decided that we as a society don't feel that we really have to stop at stop signs. Most cars I see only slow down but rarely stop. It makes me concerned about the children who are walking to school and it makes me disenchanged further with our society. No one stops for pedectians anymore! No one stops behind the crosswalk anymore! If we want people to stop driving and use alternative transportation then we had better start making using those alternatives safer and user friendly. I am afraid of riding my bike b/c of the likelyhood of getting killed is very high. I just wish that people did not feel that they were above the laws but respected them and also other people. The character of our society is going down hill fast and this is one of the glaring examples of how. Ok, now I feel better. Thanks :)

Recent Medical Development

...the story of the fat lip...so since I was around 16 years old I developed this cyst on my lip that is a "mucus cyst" according to the doctors. I had is removed at one time in my teens but it decided to come back. It has never really been a problem until about a week ago. It just started to get bigger and get more annoying and was chewing on it constantly. Anyway, on Monday it decided to rupture internally and caused a very nice bruise as well as get bigger. So I looked like I had a fat lip with a bruise. Ironically Rusty hurt his wrist playing golf and thought that he had broke something due to the pain. I thought to myself...Great people are going to think Rusty hit me and hurt his wrist...there is a great way to get rumors going...anyway, yesterday I met with the ear, nose and throat specialist and had it removed. Time must make you forget b/c I do not remember it hurting that bad or looking this bad. So now I have a fat lip, that is bloody, bruised and has stitches. GREAT!!! Thankfully today it doesn't look as bruised but it still swollen. I just keep wondering what my client's think...looking at my face and wondering what in heaven's name is wrong with that girl's face or what kind of fight did she get into. It was also very interesting that it took people at work a while to notice and then another waiting time to finally ask what was wrong with my lip...somewhat awkward telling them I have cyst in my lip...you just never know what life is going to deal you...

Sub Cultures...

There are many subcultures in our world. Some more obvious than others. I have recently discovered the subculture of the Archer. Let me try to paint the scene through the eyes of an innocent bystander. It starts out with just hunting with a bow rather than a rifle. The bow adds challenge and makes you have to get within at least 50 ft of the animal but most of the time 30 ft. That is looking them practically in the eye balls! Then it moves forward to competitive archery. In competitive archery, you have the bow hunters who are just practicing all the way to pros that have numerous sponsors and a variety of bows and equipment. I do not think people realize that this world really exists but it does. But there is not just one thing to shoot at, oh no, that would be too simple. They have several targets that include three spots and five spots, with each spot equally different points. The goal is get the highest score with the most Xs. It doesn't stop at paper targets, then you get to 3D targets. You have targets that look like elk, turkeys, moose, deer, dinosaurs, snakes, racoons, sheep etc... arranged in a variety of positions on hills, in trees, in bushes, and around rocks. Oh but it doesn't stop there, now you have different classes for which sights you use, which bows you use, and how you shoot the bow whether with your fingers or with a release.

I know that you are wondering how I know about this subculture. I married into it. It is facinating and one that I will potentially dabble in. Anyway I thought that I would assist in the broadening of your cultural awareness:)

Life...

I am always amazed at how life works and how we are none of us exempt from the good parts and the hard. There has been much that has happened since we took our vows in July. We went on our honeymoon and stayed in a quaint little cabin and enjoyed nature and riding our mountain bikes. Rusty realized that Telluride wasn't such a bad place and we both wished we had more vacation time. We got home from the honeymoon and my grandmother decided that it was best for all that we find our own home to live in. We had knew that this was coming but didn't know how to broach the question and so again God showed himself in control. Well, starting in August we started our search for shelter :) We went through all our options and decided that buying a house would be best. What a process! It was a good dose of reality and a shark realization of how people and society are living beyond their means. We were blessed to find a house that was centrally located to where Rusty and I can both walk to work. We moved in in the middle of October. It took me over a month to decorate and it has started feeling like our home. In the midst of moving in and all the other transitions, we learned that we were pregnant. It came as a surprise as we were not planning on it at this time, but we were trusting God's timing. Well last week, I started bleeding very badly and had an ultrasound done and confirmed that we had a miscarriage.

So just as we were getting adjusted to the idea of having a new addition to our family, we were having to readjust again and still trust in God's timing and staying focused on the truth that he is in control. We had great support from family and friends and I couldn't have been more thankful that Thanksgiving was that week and we were surrounded by my and Rusty's family.

We both are doing well and have found peace in God's grace and love. My body is finally getting back to normal and I am feeling like myself again energy wise. This time has just reminded me of how important it is to have family and friends that you can share the good and the hard with and be able to share LIFE with...

It is Official

Well it is official, I am married. It was a great day! I will start with Friday. All lot of people came on Thursday and Friday. The down side on all of it was the unfortunate time spend at Sam's Club and Walmart to get food items. My dad and the boys were hard at work roasting the hog and setting up, while Becky and I made 9 batches of yummy brownies. The "theme" for Friday nights hog roast was all local food. The hog was from down the road, the corn was Olathe Sweet Corn, the cole slaw was made from cabbage from the neighbor's garden, and the beans were homemade by a good friend (I don't know where the beans came from :) ). The recipe for the brownies originated with one of grandma's oldest friends. It was a great night. There were around 100 people and there were quite a few people that got to come Friday and not Saturday. There was the normal group playing their guitars and normal "East Mesa" fun :) Then Saturday started with us meeting first thing in the morning to set up the chairs and sound system and have a rehearsal. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it we were running late and flying down the road to drop off the Bronco (hide it) and get to the ceremony to get dressed and start photos. I got ready in about 15 minutes (my hair was done thank goodness). I walked out to start photos and Rusty saw me and I thought that I might have to do the Heimlich b/c he choked and almost started to cry when he saw me. It was GREAT!! We got pictures started and thankfully got all of the family pictures done before the ceremony b/c the kids were not having pictures after. The ceremony was perfect. There was a huge storm coming and right when everything got started and the wind started blowing and I thought we might get slammed, but it stayed right there and the wind calmed down. It was like God was saying I am right here, holding back the storm. The ceremony went without a glitch. The funniest thing was Rusty's 3 year old niece throughout the ceremony would go in front of everyone to sit on a rock and could not be bothered by her dress so hiked it up for everyone to see. Priceless :) The reception was great. The food was great and I had friends from work do all the serving and they did awesome. Instead of wedding cake, we had cheesecake and there were incredible looking. We danced and chatted. The night went quickly but it wasn't stressful and I enjoyed every minute of it. The only thing is that I wish everyone could have been there :)

10 YEARS

So this last weekend I went to my ten year class reunion in Brush, CO. I hadn't been in my home town since about 2000. The nice thing about that area of the country is that it doesn't change drastically unlike the Western part of Colorado. I really had a good time seeing everyone and catching up with classmates. Those are some of the only people in your life that you really know their families, their parents, their siblings. It was a very validating experience. It was a little surreal not being recognized by people even though you feel that you haven't changed that much. It is great to be told that you look great and to be around the people that used to accentuate your insecurities and have them now validate your security in yourself. It was just a real confirmation that I have really changed and I am not the person that left Brush, CO ten years ago. I am more fully who I am now, if that makes any sense at all :)

Other news, I have 2.5 weeks before the wedding day. I am getting excited. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends and having a good time. I am looking forward to the preparation and seeing how things turn out. I am looking forward to who actually comes and who doesn't. I am looking forward to what makes the day unique from others, what good stories are going to come about. I am looking forward to being "officially" married and being able to enter into the transition of marriage fully.

Well, enough for now.