You know I have been think about friendships as of late and the stuff that life throws at us. We can not do this life alone but it is so hard to maintain good close friendships. I know that I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like my life is consumed by my job and I spend much of my free time trying to find the energy to do all my "chores" around the house. I can't keep up on anything. I can't keep my house clean. I can't keep up with all the people that I care about. I feel like I am not always there even when I am with my family. Right now I am feeling brain dead. I am fried and I am tired and there is nothing I can do but keep doing what I am doing and pray that I find the energy to do the things that must be done. We cannot survive without human interaction. I realize at this point that I am needing help but I don't know who to ask. Everyone is just as busy as me and can keep on top of stuff. How they do it I don't know. I don't want to harp on my husband b/c he is gone all week working long hours and the last thing I want is for him to be bombarded with chores when he is home on the weekends. All I want to do when I get home is nothing. It takes all the energy that I have to do something. All I want to do in the mornings is sleep two more hours. I do have some friends here but I don't see or talk to them but every other week or once per month. I have a home group but very few we have gotten close to and all super busy. I wish that I had a friend that was a part of my life that I saw on a regular basis and talked to on a regular basis that I know that I could call and ask to come help and I could go help her too. But I don't. So I continue on trying to manage and keep on top of and continue to do the things that have to be done in the hopes of getting to do some things that are fun.

The Happenings...

I have been thinking that I want to write more consistantly but then I am at a loss at times of what to write. Sometimes I feel like not much is happening that others would be interested in even though I feel busy. Let's see in the last few weeks Blake turned five years old and we had a Monster truck theme. He got lots of monster trucks and was thrilled. He displayed them for his mother to see when she came to pick him up. He kept saying "she will be so "purised". My sister has been going through a lot with her ex-boyfriend and having to make some really tough decisions. I have had to use a lot of what I have learned at my job to help her through it. Now I am paranoid about her safety and wishing that she did not live so far away. Our small group started up and we only have one other couple coming but us and I think it is great. To my old small group in Arkansas we are using your model and just going through the Book of Acts and just looking for what we notice and how to apply. I miss you guys!!! I started a Women's Bible Study and we are reading a heavy book about unthinkable circumstances and how to deal with them. The first bummer is that there is a client from where I work in the study. It makes is awkward for me due to keeping confidentiality and maintaining boundaries. The second thing hard about it that in this circumstance I really have to be careful and feel like I need to keep what I do for a living as a secret. Reason #1: b/c it might freak some of the women out and they choose not to share. Reason #2: they will want me to be the counselor. Also, I keep wondering to myself why God has me in that study. I guess time will tell. Rusty has two more weeks of being away during the week. I can't wait to have him home every night again. One praise is that we had some really great neighbors move in and we had them over for dinner last night. I absolutely adore their little three year old daughter that has decided my house is way more fun than hers and pops over whenever she can to play. That brings much joy. That is all for now...

I Am...

I took this from my friend's Sarah's Blog...

I am: a child of God, lover of Jesus, lucky wife, blessed step mom, and always learning
I think: that wisdom doesn't always come with age
I know: that God loves me, my family loves me, and my husband loves me
I want: to be able to give more
I have: many faults that need worked on
I wish: that parents didn't abuse their children
I hate: selfishness
I miss: my husband when he is away on work and my family
I fear: that I may not be able to have children of my own
I feel: very blessed
I hear: the familiar voices of co-workers coming to work
I smell: the lotion I just put on my hands
I crave: something that will make me not feel so tired
I search: for accurate information about the candidates to try and make an informed decision
I wonder: what our world is going to look like at the end of my life time
I regret: making financial decisions that resulted in bad debt
I love: snuggling with my husband
I ache: for the children and adolescents that I see that have no hope for the future
I care: about people and their stories
I always: worry about my weight
I am not: a shopper
I believe: that God is good and that He is in control
I dance: whenever I can, especially when my dad is around
I sing: all the time and when I am not singing, I whistle
I don’t always: do my chores
I fight: when I feel that there is injustice
I write: in my journal when I need to unload and process
I win: hardly ever; thank goodness I am not competitive
I lose: all the time; thank goodness I am not competitive
I never: could make up some of the stuff I hear and see at work
I confuse: my husband on a regular basis
I listen: to a lot of hurt throughout my days
I can usually be found: at work or at home...but not always :)
I am scared: of missing my purpose
I need: help all the time.
I am happy about: getting a reliable vehicle that meets our needs as a family

Hooray for September

Well I am glad that it is September. So far it has been a good three days :) We had a good labor day weekend. My mom and sister and her boyfriend came to visit. We went out to eat, played put-put golf, watched movies and had good discussions. On Labor Day, we had Blake and celebrated Rusty's mom's birthday. I am thankful for extra time that I have had with my sister in the last week. We drove down together to my grandfather's funeral and it was nice to just have sister time and then she stayed with us over the weekend. Rusty and I were blessed to get my grandfather's minivan. It is very nice and an answer to prayer b/c the Bronco was making some suspicious sounds. Rusty only has a couple of more weeks of being gone during the weekdays. I have been passing my time with Olympics and National Conventions. I have to say that this election is very interesting and confusing at the same time. It will definately be a history maker no matter who is elected. I just wish that it wasn't so hard to get accurate information that is not so biased and fake. Anyway, I digress. So I am looking forward in the next few weeks to have my schedule be normal, have time and energy to clean my house, to have our life group start again, get plugged in with a women's group through our church and to have my husband home with me all the time. Happy September!!!

Ready for September

Well the month of August has turned out to be a rough month. Rusty and I had another miscarriage. That was very hard and I missed a week of work. My grandfather passed away on Sunday and my poor dad had to find him. That made me the most sad. And to top it all off, Rusty is going to be gone Monday through Friday for the next four to six weeks for work. As my supervisor stated when it rains it poors. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude. I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control and he a good, good God. He has a plan and it is a great one and he it going to turn all the hard into things that bring him glory and us good.

Rough Night

Let me start from the beginning. Keifer was our family cat. Rusty had had Keifer for roughy 14 years. He was one of those cats that was a cuddler. He was a big cat and had good vocal cords and would let you know when things were not going his way. He was Rusty's cat until we got married and then he became more my cat. We would snuggle at night and he liked to sleep sprawled on my neck or shoulder or tucked under my arm. Well last night Keifer got sick all of a sudden and then started breathing really heavy. I contacted the on call vet and we were going to just keep an eye on him. Then about fifteen minutes later, Keifer started throwing up blood and so I called my in-laws to come and stay at the house b/c I had Blake and didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night to take the cat to the vet. So my father-in-law stayed at the house and my mother-in-law came with me to the vet. (You may be wondering where Rusty is. He is currently working up in Wyoming/Montana this week and won't be home until next week). But Keifer had already passed away by the time we made it the Vet. He apparently had a heart aneurism and died in less than a hour of getting sick. It was sad but I am glad that he went quickly and that Rusty and Blake didn't have to see him sick and can just remember him as the fun, beautiful, full of personality cat that he was. Blake and I joked this morning that Keifer was up with God a young cat just running around outside and having fun. Bye, Keifer.

Miscommunication

Please refer to previous blog. I meant that I had NO depression. Not that I was depressed :) OOPS :)

Hello Thirties

Well I am officially no longer in my twenties. I manages to get through my thirtieth birthday with depression in regards to getting on year older. I am not together surprised b/c I haven't had difficulty with any other age. But I did get to thinking about what happened in the last 10 years and it seems like forever ago since I turned twenty. I remember how happy I was not to be in my teens anymore. The rest of my twenties are slightly a blur and I can't remember much of what I did during that time. There was a lot that changed during that time however. I moved a ton of times, had several different jobs, lots of family changes, went to graduate school, started a career, got married, and grew leaps and bounds in the Lord. I am thoroughly convinced that the twenties are for self discovery and are jammed packed full of changes. I have enjoyed my twenties but I think that I am ready for my thirties. It just makes you wonder what in the world is going to happen in the next 10 years ?!!!

Camping Trip

Rusty, Blake and I went for a five day camping trip to the area around Lake City. We had a good time fishing, hiking, hanging out with family, and watching the fire works. Rusty's aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin's friends, and dad came up a few days after us and we had a good time. Blake was a trooper and was so proud that we went for five days. It was time for us to go home on the fifth day however. Blake was having more melt downs and fantom stomach pains and it was reported that the rain set in. We took our two dogs who managed to run off a few times but always found their way home. We had only had the one dog for about a week and she had a harder time with following directions than Tanner. Blake informed me when we got home that we didn't have to poop in a hole anymore. That is when you know you really went camping :) I am still amazed at the amount of laundry after camping b/c you have to wash the clothes that weren't worn b/c they still got dirty. I think this will probably become a family tradition. Time will tell.

New Addition

We have a new addition to our family. It is a one year old lab mix dog named Cloe. We had some friends that didn't want her anymore due to not being able to spend enough time with her to train her. She is much smaller than Tanner (thank goodness) but it is a house full with two dogs and a cat. Rusty is very excited to have two bird dogs and Cloe is learning fast the rules of the house and learning how to heel on her leash. It should be an adventure, we are taking Blake and the two dogs camping for five days. I'll let you know how it goes. By the way anyone, how do you post pictures in your blog? I am not the most technilogically inclined :)

Road Trips/Birthday parties

We made it to go see my grandpa in Arizona. It was a lot of driving through a lot of nothingness. That is the desert for you. We drove down there on Friday and got in around 6 PM. Left his house with my dad at 5 AM to drive to Phoenix to get my grandpa's fifth wheel. We got into Phoenix around 8 AM and then left at around 10 AM. The temp was at 105 when we were heading out. We got back to St John's at around 3 PM and then were back on the road at 5:30 AM and got back to Montrose at around 12 PM. Lots of road time, but it sure was nice to get back in Colorado with all the green and the cool, fresh air of the mountains. It was refreshing. Then at 3 PM we had our niece's first birthday party with lots of people, kids and presents. She got all kinds of presents but I was so excited when she was the most interested in the book that she got from us. I wanted to say "see all is not lost with our youth." What was sad was that was the only book. But she got a lot of the Leap Frog stuff that makes noises and has lights and is educational. So, not terrible. It was a busy weekend which made for a rough Monday morning :)

The Latest...

So the verdict on the car is that it is not worth fixing. I was right the engine went and to fix it would cost more than the car is worth. So we are down to a Ford Bronco (not exactly fuel efficient). So that means no long road trips for this chick for a time. On the same day that we found out about the car, we found out that our cat has diabetes and has to be given shots twice per day and that Blake broke his arm jumping on a trampoline. It was a very expensive day :) On a brighter note over memorial day weekend we went on our first backpacking trip to the National Monument. The weather cooperated and we walked our legs off and had a good time. We have also gotten to go mountain biking a few times now up near Grand Junction and have had good times doing that. We are just trucking through life it seems and nearing our first year anniversary. Pretty crazy! We are looking forward to going to visit my grandpa in Arizona in a couple of weeks. He has been sick and it is just time. This is a time that finances be damned family is too important.

Car Saga

So, I know most of you know the trouble that I have had with my car. I have put a new transmission in it, a new fuel system, a new muffler, two new mirrors, had to bypass the keys system so that I could afford extra keys, a new clutch, a new radiator, etc. I thought that I had finally fixed everything and I would have a period of not having to fix my car. Wrong. The other night it just decided to start making this horrible clanking noise and not start. I think that the engine has finally went. That is the only thing that I haven't fix in it. The thing that gets me is that the car is a 2001. Not that old! Things are just not made like they used to be. The other ironic thing is that we had called this week to get knew tires for it today. It died yesterday. Ugggh! So the money we would use to get tires will know have to go to getting it fixed AGAIN! I hate motorized vehicles. Thankfully we are almost completely non dependent on our vehicles. Rusty and I can walk to work, the grocery, the library, downtown, and anywhere else we can ride our bikes. So there you stupid car you can't stop us! Other than make us broke :( Where is a rich relative when I need one :) Oh well, so goes life...

Soap Box

Rusty talked about doing a letter to the editor. I decided I would vent on my blog. Since we move to our house in town. We both are either walking or riding out bikes to work almost daily. Here is my gripe. I have almost been hit by a car twice! That is right twice. I was over half way across the crosswalk this most recent time. I could have knocked on the lady's car window before she saw me. I have decided that we as a society don't feel that we really have to stop at stop signs. Most cars I see only slow down but rarely stop. It makes me concerned about the children who are walking to school and it makes me disenchanged further with our society. No one stops for pedectians anymore! No one stops behind the crosswalk anymore! If we want people to stop driving and use alternative transportation then we had better start making using those alternatives safer and user friendly. I am afraid of riding my bike b/c of the likelyhood of getting killed is very high. I just wish that people did not feel that they were above the laws but respected them and also other people. The character of our society is going down hill fast and this is one of the glaring examples of how. Ok, now I feel better. Thanks :)

Recent Medical Development

...the story of the fat lip...so since I was around 16 years old I developed this cyst on my lip that is a "mucus cyst" according to the doctors. I had is removed at one time in my teens but it decided to come back. It has never really been a problem until about a week ago. It just started to get bigger and get more annoying and was chewing on it constantly. Anyway, on Monday it decided to rupture internally and caused a very nice bruise as well as get bigger. So I looked like I had a fat lip with a bruise. Ironically Rusty hurt his wrist playing golf and thought that he had broke something due to the pain. I thought to myself...Great people are going to think Rusty hit me and hurt his wrist...there is a great way to get rumors going...anyway, yesterday I met with the ear, nose and throat specialist and had it removed. Time must make you forget b/c I do not remember it hurting that bad or looking this bad. So now I have a fat lip, that is bloody, bruised and has stitches. GREAT!!! Thankfully today it doesn't look as bruised but it still swollen. I just keep wondering what my client's think...looking at my face and wondering what in heaven's name is wrong with that girl's face or what kind of fight did she get into. It was also very interesting that it took people at work a while to notice and then another waiting time to finally ask what was wrong with my lip...somewhat awkward telling them I have cyst in my lip...you just never know what life is going to deal you...

Sub Cultures...

There are many subcultures in our world. Some more obvious than others. I have recently discovered the subculture of the Archer. Let me try to paint the scene through the eyes of an innocent bystander. It starts out with just hunting with a bow rather than a rifle. The bow adds challenge and makes you have to get within at least 50 ft of the animal but most of the time 30 ft. That is looking them practically in the eye balls! Then it moves forward to competitive archery. In competitive archery, you have the bow hunters who are just practicing all the way to pros that have numerous sponsors and a variety of bows and equipment. I do not think people realize that this world really exists but it does. But there is not just one thing to shoot at, oh no, that would be too simple. They have several targets that include three spots and five spots, with each spot equally different points. The goal is get the highest score with the most Xs. It doesn't stop at paper targets, then you get to 3D targets. You have targets that look like elk, turkeys, moose, deer, dinosaurs, snakes, racoons, sheep etc... arranged in a variety of positions on hills, in trees, in bushes, and around rocks. Oh but it doesn't stop there, now you have different classes for which sights you use, which bows you use, and how you shoot the bow whether with your fingers or with a release.

I know that you are wondering how I know about this subculture. I married into it. It is facinating and one that I will potentially dabble in. Anyway I thought that I would assist in the broadening of your cultural awareness:)

Life...

I am always amazed at how life works and how we are none of us exempt from the good parts and the hard. There has been much that has happened since we took our vows in July. We went on our honeymoon and stayed in a quaint little cabin and enjoyed nature and riding our mountain bikes. Rusty realized that Telluride wasn't such a bad place and we both wished we had more vacation time. We got home from the honeymoon and my grandmother decided that it was best for all that we find our own home to live in. We had knew that this was coming but didn't know how to broach the question and so again God showed himself in control. Well, starting in August we started our search for shelter :) We went through all our options and decided that buying a house would be best. What a process! It was a good dose of reality and a shark realization of how people and society are living beyond their means. We were blessed to find a house that was centrally located to where Rusty and I can both walk to work. We moved in in the middle of October. It took me over a month to decorate and it has started feeling like our home. In the midst of moving in and all the other transitions, we learned that we were pregnant. It came as a surprise as we were not planning on it at this time, but we were trusting God's timing. Well last week, I started bleeding very badly and had an ultrasound done and confirmed that we had a miscarriage.

So just as we were getting adjusted to the idea of having a new addition to our family, we were having to readjust again and still trust in God's timing and staying focused on the truth that he is in control. We had great support from family and friends and I couldn't have been more thankful that Thanksgiving was that week and we were surrounded by my and Rusty's family.

We both are doing well and have found peace in God's grace and love. My body is finally getting back to normal and I am feeling like myself again energy wise. This time has just reminded me of how important it is to have family and friends that you can share the good and the hard with and be able to share LIFE with...

It is Official

Well it is official, I am married. It was a great day! I will start with Friday. All lot of people came on Thursday and Friday. The down side on all of it was the unfortunate time spend at Sam's Club and Walmart to get food items. My dad and the boys were hard at work roasting the hog and setting up, while Becky and I made 9 batches of yummy brownies. The "theme" for Friday nights hog roast was all local food. The hog was from down the road, the corn was Olathe Sweet Corn, the cole slaw was made from cabbage from the neighbor's garden, and the beans were homemade by a good friend (I don't know where the beans came from :) ). The recipe for the brownies originated with one of grandma's oldest friends. It was a great night. There were around 100 people and there were quite a few people that got to come Friday and not Saturday. There was the normal group playing their guitars and normal "East Mesa" fun :) Then Saturday started with us meeting first thing in the morning to set up the chairs and sound system and have a rehearsal. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it we were running late and flying down the road to drop off the Bronco (hide it) and get to the ceremony to get dressed and start photos. I got ready in about 15 minutes (my hair was done thank goodness). I walked out to start photos and Rusty saw me and I thought that I might have to do the Heimlich b/c he choked and almost started to cry when he saw me. It was GREAT!! We got pictures started and thankfully got all of the family pictures done before the ceremony b/c the kids were not having pictures after. The ceremony was perfect. There was a huge storm coming and right when everything got started and the wind started blowing and I thought we might get slammed, but it stayed right there and the wind calmed down. It was like God was saying I am right here, holding back the storm. The ceremony went without a glitch. The funniest thing was Rusty's 3 year old niece throughout the ceremony would go in front of everyone to sit on a rock and could not be bothered by her dress so hiked it up for everyone to see. Priceless :) The reception was great. The food was great and I had friends from work do all the serving and they did awesome. Instead of wedding cake, we had cheesecake and there were incredible looking. We danced and chatted. The night went quickly but it wasn't stressful and I enjoyed every minute of it. The only thing is that I wish everyone could have been there :)

10 YEARS

So this last weekend I went to my ten year class reunion in Brush, CO. I hadn't been in my home town since about 2000. The nice thing about that area of the country is that it doesn't change drastically unlike the Western part of Colorado. I really had a good time seeing everyone and catching up with classmates. Those are some of the only people in your life that you really know their families, their parents, their siblings. It was a very validating experience. It was a little surreal not being recognized by people even though you feel that you haven't changed that much. It is great to be told that you look great and to be around the people that used to accentuate your insecurities and have them now validate your security in yourself. It was just a real confirmation that I have really changed and I am not the person that left Brush, CO ten years ago. I am more fully who I am now, if that makes any sense at all :)

Other news, I have 2.5 weeks before the wedding day. I am getting excited. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends and having a good time. I am looking forward to the preparation and seeing how things turn out. I am looking forward to who actually comes and who doesn't. I am looking forward to what makes the day unique from others, what good stories are going to come about. I am looking forward to being "officially" married and being able to enter into the transition of marriage fully.

Well, enough for now.

Man, Life has hit worp speed!

So life has gotten very busy very quickly. I started a new position at work two weeks ago. I love it!!! It is M-F, regular 40 hour week with no on-call. I have my weekends off and paid holidays. YIPEEE!! Granted I don't have my week off, but I am so thankful for a regular set schedule that I can make plans around. I am the intake/access clinician at the Center for Mental Health. I am really the gatekeeper for people that are wanting to get mental health treatment at the Center. I will also have my own clients eventually, which will be great experience.

The wedding plans are going well. Thankfully that has not been stressful other than figuring out how to pay for it. But that will get taken care of over time. Rusty and I are doing great! We are doing a parenting class and also pre-marital counseling. We really like the pre-marital counseling. We are ready for the parenting class to be done. It is done through the department of health and human services and has much to be desired (in my clinical opinion ;) ).

We are trying to stay focused on our relationship and our hope is to have a fun get together that is called a wedding that we get to enjoy our friends and family.

I do have some prayer requests. The first is that you would pray for Rusty's son Blake. We have been having trouble with his mother and had to go to a lawyer in order to submit a parenting plan to the court so that she could not change visitation on a whim. That has been one of the most stressful things I have ever been through. Second, for our families that they will be able to let go and transition through this time of change. Third, Rusty has a job interview tomorrow for a much better job. We are praying that he gets it and can leave where he is working. It is just an unhealthy business that has unhealthy business practices.

Thanks!!! I hope that I get to see some of you this summer in Colorado!!!

More later...Laura