Adjusting to life on the outside

First time in the Swing...




Dad and Big brother...



First outing...



Cute outfit...



Four generations plus some...

Welcome to the world

Here are pictures of when he was first born and going home from the hospital...In reverse order of course b/c I struggle with this blog and pictures :)...


Home at last

Getting ready to enbark on the world...

Swaddled and content...

Weighing just right...

Oh the trauma of the leaving the womb...

The Story of Joseph Thomas Ickes

It was my intention to do this much sooner b/c I was waiting with baited breath to use this blog to brag on my family and provide pictures to those of you who are interested. I found however that I wanted to spend as much time with my baby when I was home and so I had little opportunity to sit down at the computer until I returned back to work.

So starts the story of Joseph Thomas Ickes (JT for short). JT was not due until April 23 but we knew that he was coming early b/c I started dialating at 37 weeks and was having prelabor craps the week before he was born. I was ready for him to come. I was swelling and felt like death warmed over. JT decided to kick things into gear on Monday April 12 while I was at work. I noticed that my mucous plug was coming out and I called my doula to confirm my suspicions. I managed to make it through the day at work and when I got home and lied down on the couch the contractions started. They really kicked in around nine in the evening and so we called the doula again and started timing them. They got more regular and the doula came to our house to be another support. Finally around 2 AM Tuesday morning we went to the hospital hoping that we were well on our way b/c the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. Unfortunately, when we got to the hospital I was only dialated to 2 cm but was effaced to the point that they kept me at the hospital. So began the regimen of walking the halls, sitting on the birthing ball, standing and bathroom runs. This continued for another 13 hours. I eventually had to have some pain medicine b/c JT and I were getting tired and needed to rest. We labored and eventually had take some pitocin to try and get dilated from a 7 to a 10 with the doctor saying that if it didn't happen within the hour that it would be a C-section. Well, it finally came and we started pushing. Unfortunately, JT got a little crooked and it was 3 hours of pushing. I was a little disheartening when the lady in the next room started pushing at the sametime as me and 45 minutes later had a baby and mine felt like an eternity to get out. JT finally graced us with his presence at 2 AM Wednesday April 14, 2010. He was perfect!!! He was healthy and one of the first things he did was pee on the nurses. He is his father's son :) Unfortunately for me, my placenta was stuck and the doctor was not able to get it out and so after 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing I had to go into surgery in order for them to get the placenta out. So I held JT and tried to nurse really fast before I had to go have a D&C. Apparently, I was losing a lot of blood and almost had to have a blood transfusion but by the grace of God I did not. I was finally in my room by around 4 AM and never been happier b/c our baby had gotten here safely and was healthy. I would have never been able to get through it without Rusty and my doula being there through the whole thing.

There were about a million things I was thankful for on that day. I was thankful that Rusty's parents and my parent's were able to be there when he was born and have time to get each other better. I was thankful for the two nurses that I had. They were awesome!!! I was thankful for Rusty and how well he did through the whole thing. I was thankful for my doula that walked and walked with me and helped to support Rusty and I while we were in the trenches. I was thankful for the special time I had with JT just him and I Wednesday morning while his daddy slept. I was thankful for all the visitors and gifts that we got. What a blessing!!!

5 1/2 weeks to go

I am in the final count down. I had an ultrasound today and everything looks good. He is in just the right position and it was cute b/c he got the hickups during the untrasound. I am hanging in there. Of course we decided to try and fix up our house to put on the market so we have been staying busy painting, putting new floors down and putting stuff in storage. It is taking longer than we would have liked and I am getting more and more useless. Thankfully, I am still able to paint (no heavy lifting involved). Our hope is to sell our house and be able to buy something a bigger that is around the same morgage payment as we are paying right now. I remind myself that God is in control of it all, including timing. I am getting more and more uncomfortable but I think that is good b/c it has made me anxious to get to meet this little man but not too early I keep reminding him.

As the due date closes in, I find that we are in need of prayer. We had hoped that Rusty would have found employment by now but he hasn't. I am at a loss of what to do about daycare b/c we just have no way of paying for it and don't know who we would even go to. I have to say that I hate the fact that he is going to have to go to daycare at so little but right now there are few options for us. We still need to get his room cleaned out and ready. I realize that we are little behind in this aspect considering a lot of people have this done at around six months or so. I am hoping to do some of it when my family is here visiting during their Spring Break.

I am getting very excited to meet him even though there are questions about how in the world we are going to pay for everything. But there are several things ihat are for sure God knows, God is in control, God can do anything, and God is our provider.

Hopefully the next blog will be reports of being in labor and his arrival.

Sorry

Sorry for the funky text by the picture. Silly blogger does't preview like it actually shows.

28 weeks and counting

I had my monthly check up yesterday and everything is looking good. No gestational diabetes, yippee. My iron looks good and everything sounds good. Here is an updated picture, not professional but better than nothing. I am thankful for each week that goes by b/c that means we are getting that much closer to getting to meet the little guy. I am amazed at how people feel that being pregnant gives them free rein to start up conversations and ask you questions like they have known you before. It does get a little disheartening when all you hear is how big you are getting. My advice to all is to just tell a pregnant person how great they look. That is what they need to hear :) Thanks for all for the continued prayer and support.

Looking good

Had my monthly check up with the doc and everything is looking good. I am on track on weight and belly size. The heartbeat is steady and strong. Thanks for the prayers!

Happy New Year!!!

In amazement it is the last day of 09 and soon approaching 2010. This last year has been eventful but yet seems uneventful at the same time. Our prayers for the next year is that Rusty will find steady employment, a healthy baby boy will be born on his due date, and that we will grow in our relationship with God, with each other, with our families and our friends. That we would be thankful in all things and continue to have teachable hearts throughout the ups and downs. Our prayers for you is that you would be blessed with love, relationship, provision, and a thankful/content heart this new year. Love to all this new year!!!


Laura and Rusty

Christmas Letter 2009

Dear Friends and Family,

I thought that I would write a little note this year. I know that for most of us that it was a year filled with joys and sorrows. We for the most part are doing pretty well. Last year, at this time, Rusty was laid off from his job as a drafter. In some ways it was a blessing b/c he was having to work in Grand Junction and be gone during the week. It also gave him time to finish the remodel on our bathroom before our holiday guests arrived. He was unemployed until around May and started working for a ranch locally where he worked up until the middle of November. He enjoyed it immensely and has manged to accumulate two horses, another dog, and various tack. He rediscovered his love for horses and working outdoors. Unfortunately, it has come to an end and we are back to wondering what to do next.

I am still working for the Center for Mental Health in Montrose. In April, I finished all my hours and obtained my license in counseling. After all the hoops and paperwork, I am very proud of myself for finally getting it. Thankfully, it came at just the right time b/c I got a sizeable raise. So by the grace of God, we have stayed above water financially and have become very aware of how to be thankful for the little things like food, shelter, and friends.

Blake is now six years old and started kindergarten this year. He loves riding the school bus and informed me that he "knew that he was going to have fun but he was learning a lot too." He has started wanting to know how to spell everything and tries to figure out that letters are in words. It is fun to watch his mind grasp all of these new things.

We are happy to announce that we are going to have a new addition come to our family the end of April. We are around five months pregnant and very excited about having a little one in our home. So far, the baby looks healthy and has a good strong heart beat. We are, however, in a quandary about where we are going to fit baby stuff due to the fact that we are at max capacity in our home currently but we will fugure something out. We are just so thankful for this new life that all the stresses pale in comparison.

Even with the ups and downs, we got to take a few trip this year. In April, we got to take my grandmother to California to celebrate with my aunt and uncle their 30th wedding anniversary. In August, Rusty and Blake got to experience their first major league baseball game at Coors field and watch the Rockies win. In September, Rusty and I joined my mom and sister in Steamboat Springs to enjoy the fall colors and just get away. We also got to take a couple of trips to Durango for a family reunion and a friend's wedding over the summer.

We hope that you all have a wonderful holiday and a year full of blessings. We hope to see you soon.

Love,

Rusty, Laura, Blake, and Baby Ickes

Half way

I just had my 20 week check up. I am officially half way with the pregnancy and have started feeling the little man kick and he is active. We got to have the ultrasound tech train on us with the 3-D ultrasound pictures and the little guy likes to keep his hands around his face. On one of them he had his little finger on his lip like he was thinking. We also got to see him moving his jaw like he was eating. It was very cute. Everything is going great and I am feeling really good. I was having trouble with my back but a few weeks of physical therapy helped that a ton.

On the homefront, Rusty is officially back on unemployment and searching for a job while working as many odd jobs as he can get. We are starting to have a pattern of unemployment starting in December...not the best timing :( We are hopeful and trusting that God will provide. We have our house all decorated and got to have outside lights, which made Rusty very excited. He is going to be riding his horse in the parade on Saturday and I am in a quandry of whether I want to ride on his float or watch the parade. All I know is that it is going to be cold and possibly snowy. We have a wedding coming up for a good friend and family functions. Not looking forward too much to the family functions b/c had a little altercation with one of Rusty's cousins. Well really it was her yelling at me and me trying to defuse the situation. But needless to say it has made things awkward and trying to limit my contact if possible. That is about it for right now. Happy Christmas!!!!

Results

Praise the Lord. We got the results back from the amnio and everything looks normal with no evidence of abnormalities. We also got the results that the baby is for sure a boy. We are totally stoked. We met with a doula last night that we really liked and I am glad to have that added support throughout the pregnancy to make sure that I am doing everything to keep the baby healthy and me healthy and to have a healthy delivery. Rusty told Blake about the baby last weekend and he was pretty ambivolent about it. He thought that being an older brother wouldn't be too bad but when Rusty said that he could be an older brother like his, he told Rusty that "sometimes my brothers are mean". It is so funny how kids brains work.



Also, Rusty might have a lead on a job. He met with a guy from Colorado Workforce yesterday and got his resume and cover letter sent to him last night. We are hopeful that this might lead to something but one can never tell. All we know is that Rusty is getting fewer and fewer paid days at his current job. This time has been a good lesson in how to live day by day and appreciate that our needs are met for the day.



Thank you for the prayers and I will keep you posted.

Big News

It has come time to make the big annoucement that we are pregnant. I am 15 weeks and everything looks good. I have had three ultrasounds and have gotten to hear the heartbeat twice. It is a good heartbeat and nothing looks out of the ordinary. We are very excited. The due date is around April 23, 2009. We would ask for your prayers b/c I have what is called a balanced translocation with is a technical term for two of my chromosomes decided swap pieces which puts us at higher risk of having birth defects. We have our amniocentisis on November 10 and would ask for prayers of protection for the baby and that baby Ickes would be healthy and whole.



With this wonderful new, I ask for prayers. 1) for Rusty that he would find steady employment that would provide for our family. We are barely scraping by and we go week to week wondering if he will have a job next week. 2) a miracle so that I can stay home with the baby for at least three months before having to go back to work. If everything goes right I should have two months paid for by sick leave and annual leave but after that it would be no income for a month. My heart's decire is to be able to stay home or work part time but right now my income is the one that pays the bills. 3) wisdom in what to do with our house. We are busting at the seems and have no room for baby things. Right now the baby will share our room the best that we can but something is going to have to give. We are contemplating adding on but of course finances are an issues and also time. So needless to say we are not sure what to do but our house is not going to suffice for very much longer.



We are both very excited but also sitting wondering how in the world God is going to pull this off. We know that his timing is perfect and that he is in control. So we sit and we wait and we trust and do what we can right now. But it is true God has provided for us each day and we have what we need for today and there is little more we can ask for. I have found that it is hard not to worry about the future and not to try and figure it out on my own, however futile.



Thank you for joining us in prayer and being a part of our family.

Not much happening

I realized that I hadn't updated in a while. Unfortunately there has not been a ton happening. Rusty is working long hours cutting corn on the ranch. I have been working a lot it feels like. Blake has started kindergarden and loving it. He may love riding the bus to school the most. However he is learning his sound for reading and has a very nice teacher. We just celebrated his sixth birthday over the weekend. The theme was Star Wars. Wasn't that a theme when we were kids? It comes full circle I guess. I have been watching TV a lot getting started with Dancing with the Stars and Biggest Loser. They suck me in. It is pretty sad. We had a good time going to the Rockies game and seeing my mom in Denver at her new pad. It is a little resort in the middle of Denver. This weekend I am going to spend the weekend with my mom and sister in Steamboat Springs so that should be fun. I am still holding out hope that Rusty will be able to go with me rather than have to work. We will see. Thinking back on my life I think that this is the longest period of time that no big changes have happened. I haven't moved. I haven't changed jobs. It is sometimes weird b/c things are stable and the same. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that that would be weird.

Its a mystery

Can someone explain to me why there are periods of time where your money doesn't last like it used to? I swear that things are more tight right now than when Rusty was unemployed. Now how is that possible!? Anyway God is Good. He knows what he is doing. This last week we have had Blake. We have had fun playing with other kids, going to the park, and other stuff. We partook of the Olathe Sweet Corn festival and Clint Black in concert. It was very good (if you like country music). Last night our homegroup went to our pastor's home and helped him with his home renouvations. I painted with some other people while the other put down laminate flooring. It was a good time of fellowship and serving. Thankfully nothing is planned for this weekend so we all can catch up on sleep from this week :) We have decided that any shyness that Blake had has disappeared. He is the chattiest boy that I have seen and is so excited by the little things. I really am enjoying this age and can't believe that he is starting kindergarden in a few weeks. I am excited for him however. The next event coming up is going to Denver to see mom and go to the Rockies game with the whole family. Should be a good time! Later...

Surprises

You know life is full of little surprises. Last week I got to go to a training on being a facilitator for the Nurturing Parenting program where it helps families to raise their children in nurturing and not abusive homes. You know you go to a training and just expect to learn the information. This training was very personal and deep, which was such a surprise, but it stirred up a deep sadness. It made me realize how much I miss having deep/vulnerable conversation. We talked about our stresses, our fears, and our struggles. I just realized that even after three years I continue to struggle connecting with my community. I was talking with a co-worker about this and I think part of it has to do with the job that I do. I have built up a wall again b/c of always being aware of confidentiality and also boundaries with client's. I am going to have to find balance on this one. But I sure am looking forward to facilitating the nurturing parenting classes. I think that it will be really good and something that will teach me a lot. On another note, I got the priveledge of watching my husband participate in a ranch rodeo. It was tons of fun. If anyone gets a chance to go to a ranch rodeo it is a good time. I was very proud of my husband. Today is our two year anniversary. I told him last night that I can hardly believe that it has been two years b/c it feels like so much has happened in these two years. I do love my husband and love our life together no matter the struggles and challenges. Life is quite the journey.

Holiday weekends

I have decided that holiday weekends are not the time to have a wedding. I was in my friends wedding that was on the fourth of July. There were several things that made it challenging. The first was being married this time. It is hard to take care of your responsibilities of the wedding party and keep your family entertained in the meanwhile. It is hard to be involved in a wedding where you have lived before. It makes it hard to visit with everyone that you want to see. The other challenge is that your responsiblities make it so your family cannot enjoy the festivities of the holiday. We missed the parade and going camping over the weekend. Thankfully I will never have to plan my own wedding again but for others please don't schedule your wedding on a holiday weekend :)

The Good, the Bad, and just plain life

As much as it is my intention to write more than once a month it never seems to happen. I still am unable to download picture onto my computer and so my blogs are pictureless, which makes me sad. We made it to the family reunion where all of the first cousins came together for the very first time. The last time was in 1980 before my sister was born. I was nice to see everyone and meet my little second cousins for the first time. The next trip is back to Durango for a wedding of a good friend on the Fourth. I am actually in the wedding and so have this and that I have to go to. We will see how Rusty and Blake do with all the festivities. I got to spend some good time with my mom and sister. My mom came for about two weeks and Becky has been here for the month of June. I actually was in God's perfect timing that they were here b/c Rusty and I had another miscarriage and it was nice to have them stay with me b/c Rusty had to work. So we watched a bunch of movies. If you think about us we (or maybe I) could use prayer. This is the fourth miscarriage and we are fighting getting discouraged. It is also hard b/c after each one it gets harder to tell people and so you feel more isolated. My body doesn't know if it is coming or going. We know that it is God's perfect timing. I am just feeling weak, beatdown, and not myself. I also know that God is at work and there is a reason for everything and that good will come. But it is hard not to dwell on why and why it has to be so hard for me when others have no issue. Life is not fair and there is not a thing you can do about it.

I Love the Spring, but I love Summer more

Well, with the warmer weather and the green goodness that is on the trees and ground has brought breakthroughs in our life and is a constant reminder that the Lord brings new things and is always good. I finally got all my paperwork to go through and have obtained my counseling license. It was quite a process and feels like more of an accomplishment than I thought it would be. So I am officially a Licensed Professional Counselor. All it means for me is a pay raise, more job obligations and greater opportunity in the future. Rusty has started working for a local ranch full-time. That is a huge blessing. He is loving getting to cowboy and get paid for it. He got a horse and he just ordered his own saddle. The boy is in heaven :) Also, we got to take a trip to visit my aunt and uncle in Cresent City, CA. We took my grandma to be with them to celebrate their 30 wedding aniversary. It was great to see different county and to get out of dodge for a while. The highlight was seeing a seal in the ocean, the Redwood trees, and my uncle playing his autoharp in his Boondock Band. I realized that this is one of the first trips that I have taken that I was really ready to come home. Usually I just want to stay where I am. It was a nice feeling to feel like home was a place I wanted to come back to. Things we are looking foward to are: getting together with my family the first weekend of June in Durango, my sister coming to stay with my local grandma for a few weeks and having her for a good chunk of time, and of course any outside activities we can squeeze in.

Not much happening

I have to say that there has not been much happening as of late. Rusty is still working out on the ranch and yet to get paid for anything. He has his up and downs with regards to that. He is really trying to start a business with his friend training horses for people. I am still working on getting my licensure stuff through the system so that I can get a raise. So that is the financial end. Still struggling :( Some highlights from the last month have been that we got to see some relatives from my side that I had never met and had a really good visit with them. We are looking forward to next month taking my grandma to Northern California for my aunt and uncles anniversary. They are planning to renew their vows. It should be a beautiful drive and nice to get away for a bit. We are very thankful for Spring but it feels like Winter currently. It snowed yesterday. I hope that the cold goes away soon! Anyway, that is all for know.

Cowboy

Well the latest is that Rusty is working part time for a ranch building fence. He is also getting to ride horses and other ranch hand stuff. He is enjoying it but unfortunately it is sporatic work and not full time but it is something. He is getting to wear his boots and all his "cowboy" gear and is thrilled. His finger has healed up nicely and thankfully we qualified for indigent at the hospital and was able to pay for the ER visit without going broke. Other than that we are surviving. My dad came to visit over the weekend and so we enjoyed time with him and watching movies. I do love to watch movies. We watched Appaloosa, Swing Vote, Fireproof, and Righteous Kill. Also watched Comanche Moon, Lonesome Dove, and Maclintoch. It was cute on Valentine's day Rusty and I celebrated two years together (b/c our first date was lunch on V-day). We went to the restaurant where we had our first date and the girl remembered that it was our anniversary and had us sit in the same spot we did two years ago. It was funny. That is all for now...more later..

What Next...

Not too much has changed with us. Rusty is still unemployed and looking but there is just not anything out there at this time. I am hoping that with Spring on the way and the inaugeration over that things might pick up or something will change. Last week, Rusty was building a campbox for a friend and cut a chunk of his left index finger off. So we had an ER visit without insurance. Thankfully I think that we will qualify for indigent and get a discount on it but will find out for sure on Friday. I met with the lady about getting Rusty and Blake back on insurance on Monday, but unfortunately it doesn't look like he will be insured again until March. Can I just say that health insurance makes me angry. It is a racket with no regulations and does not serve the people who need it. They just want to rob the ones that don't have health problems and not pay or allow the ones that need it to get it. To have added Rusty to my insurance would have been over a thousand dollars. Ludicrous!!! You know it is so hard to keep taking the hits. It is not hard to believe that God is going to take care of it. It is not hard to believe that God is going to provide. But it is hard not to get beat down by all the little stuff in the mean time. I find that I just want to do nothing. I take that back I want to sleep. I don't have any energy for anything. Poor Rusty is bored out of goard b/c he can't really do anything for another few days. If you think about please it pray for us. Thanks...

The End of 2008

As the end of the year comes and goes, I wonder about this year. In some ways it seems like a blur. I always try to thing about the year and things done. It started out pretty darn stable and it has ended not so much. At the beginning of the year, we were settled in our house, both had desk jobs, and things were flowing pretty smoothly. Rusty got back into Archery. We went to a few shoots and did stuff with other people but it didn't seem super busy. We were going along and then summer hit and things started changing in good ways it seemed at first. Rusty started getting different oppertunities at work. He went on a trip to Montana and things seemed good. Then August hit. My grandfather died and we had some other losses and Rusty had to start working out of town during the week. The fall was nice and mild but Rusty was having more difficulties at work and things were good financially but it was getting more stressful. November we decided to start a remodel on our bathroom. A few weeks after that Rusty was laid off. As I reflect on the year I am just reminded of how little control we have and we cannot trust in this world. All I can think of is the verse that stated that we do not trust in chariots but in the Lord, our God. I also have to think about the word "comfortable". It seems so nice but is it what God wants for us. Does He want us to be comfortable? Does he want us to have it easy? I kind of don't think so. I say that b/c when we are comfortable and things are easy we don't grow as much. We aren't challenged. When I started the Bible study "When I lay my Isaac Down" in the Fall that God was preparing me for stuff that was coming. The kicker is that I think we have only seen the tip of the iceberg in the challenges ahead. I also know that there is a lot of good ahead and a lot of blessings ahead. And in those times that I feel overwhelmed and wondering how much more. I thank God that he is teaching me to rely on Him and His strength, and His provision. Happy New Year, all. And may you trust and depend on God in whatever comes your way this next year.

Life is unpredictable...

Well, the journey of life continues...with this month and last month being no different. Thanksgiving was very interesting with my maternal aunt and uncle coming unexpectedly. The last holiday I had spent with them was about 20 years ago. It was challenging and I had a very bad attitude on a day that I should have been nothing but thankful. But we did beat the storm home and did not have to contend with any bad roads and got back for the homemade turkey and noodles with Rusty's family. December has started with a bang. Rusty got laid off from his job this last week. But the miracle of this is that we are both very peaceful about it. I feel like that God has something better for us and that this may have been the only way for Him to show us. I feel that it is much better for Rusty and already his attitude has become much more positive and I love having him home all the time. So we are just waiting for God to show us where to go and what to do. Because all in all God is our provider not man. As always we could use your prayer for wisdom and discernment in this time of decisions and tight finances during the holiday season. Then on Thursday, we went to a genetic counselor b/c we had a blood test come back showing that I had some funky things going on with my chromosomes. Come to find out I have what it called a balanced translocation where part of my 16 chromosome attached to 18 and part of 18 attached to 16. So what that means is that some of my eggs either are missing some chromosome parts and have too many chromosome parts. This just puts me at higher risk for further miscarriages and also for birth defects if I have a pregnancy go to term. But the genetic counselor made it sound like that we have a good chance of having a healthy pregnancy with no complications. So just pray that Rusty's swimmers find the healthy eggs that have all the right chromosomes. Last, pray that we get our bathroom remodel finished. Right now I have no toilet and no shower. Needless to say we have been spending a lot of time at Rusty's parents :) Love you all and Merry Christmas

Pic of the Fam

Here is a picture of the family. We had a friend come and take family pictures in a park near our house. I think they turned out pretty darn good. Other news, Rusty is still working out of town and has just about hit his limit of dealing with all the crap associated with it. So any prayer of what next for us would be appreciated. I had a whole bunch of blood tests done to see if there was a reason for me having recurrent pregnancy losses and they found that there was something funky happening with my chromosomes. Apparently, instead of splitting identical, one strand has too many on it and another doesn't have enough even though I have all the right things. So we are most likely going to have to go to a Geneticist to see what that means, if anything. On a different note, we started remodeling our bathroom. We are combining the two since they are right next too each other to make one whole bathroom rather than two partial bathrooms. It has become quit the project due to the plaster walls rotting, the floor rotting and no insulation in the walls. So lets just say that demolition is taking a little longer than expected, but I think that the finished product will be nice. I am looking foward to having the sink and the shower in the same room. Oh, and our rescued cat is pregnant, we think. So in the next few weeks or so we could forseeably have kittens. Anybody want one? :) That's all for know, until next time...

Yard Sale of all Yard Sales

Here are some pictures from out trip to Arizona to have a yard sale of my grandfather's and father's stuff. It was set up like an estate sale where everything in the house had a price tag. I want to set the stage for you. St John's Arizona is not a very big town. I maybe has 3000 residents maybe, no modern day emeneties, and two dollar stores. We had the sale on Saturday and Sunday. It was incredible b/c almost everything sold that include polished rocks, petrified wood, trickets, all the furniture, and other miscellaneous items. My dad cleared out the garage that was full of his stuff. Granted we took home some stuff like old home videos, Disney movies, and some of our childhood stuff. Oh, lets not forget a cat that we found also. My aunt and uncle from Texas came to help and my Uncle from Pennsylvania. Rusty and I had the pleasure of driving him to Albequerque to catch his flight home. It was nice to spend some time with him. All in all my dad made 2 grand and so the top picture is the celebration dinner of a successful yard sale and family time together. Oh and an update from last post. I did finally get my house clean with a day of fun watching a pumpkin shoot, going through a corn maze, and picking pumpkins from a pumpkin patch. Thank you Jesus.

You know I have been think about friendships as of late and the stuff that life throws at us. We can not do this life alone but it is so hard to maintain good close friendships. I know that I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like my life is consumed by my job and I spend much of my free time trying to find the energy to do all my "chores" around the house. I can't keep up on anything. I can't keep my house clean. I can't keep up with all the people that I care about. I feel like I am not always there even when I am with my family. Right now I am feeling brain dead. I am fried and I am tired and there is nothing I can do but keep doing what I am doing and pray that I find the energy to do the things that must be done. We cannot survive without human interaction. I realize at this point that I am needing help but I don't know who to ask. Everyone is just as busy as me and can keep on top of stuff. How they do it I don't know. I don't want to harp on my husband b/c he is gone all week working long hours and the last thing I want is for him to be bombarded with chores when he is home on the weekends. All I want to do when I get home is nothing. It takes all the energy that I have to do something. All I want to do in the mornings is sleep two more hours. I do have some friends here but I don't see or talk to them but every other week or once per month. I have a home group but very few we have gotten close to and all super busy. I wish that I had a friend that was a part of my life that I saw on a regular basis and talked to on a regular basis that I know that I could call and ask to come help and I could go help her too. But I don't. So I continue on trying to manage and keep on top of and continue to do the things that have to be done in the hopes of getting to do some things that are fun.

The Happenings...

I have been thinking that I want to write more consistantly but then I am at a loss at times of what to write. Sometimes I feel like not much is happening that others would be interested in even though I feel busy. Let's see in the last few weeks Blake turned five years old and we had a Monster truck theme. He got lots of monster trucks and was thrilled. He displayed them for his mother to see when she came to pick him up. He kept saying "she will be so "purised". My sister has been going through a lot with her ex-boyfriend and having to make some really tough decisions. I have had to use a lot of what I have learned at my job to help her through it. Now I am paranoid about her safety and wishing that she did not live so far away. Our small group started up and we only have one other couple coming but us and I think it is great. To my old small group in Arkansas we are using your model and just going through the Book of Acts and just looking for what we notice and how to apply. I miss you guys!!! I started a Women's Bible Study and we are reading a heavy book about unthinkable circumstances and how to deal with them. The first bummer is that there is a client from where I work in the study. It makes is awkward for me due to keeping confidentiality and maintaining boundaries. The second thing hard about it that in this circumstance I really have to be careful and feel like I need to keep what I do for a living as a secret. Reason #1: b/c it might freak some of the women out and they choose not to share. Reason #2: they will want me to be the counselor. Also, I keep wondering to myself why God has me in that study. I guess time will tell. Rusty has two more weeks of being away during the week. I can't wait to have him home every night again. One praise is that we had some really great neighbors move in and we had them over for dinner last night. I absolutely adore their little three year old daughter that has decided my house is way more fun than hers and pops over whenever she can to play. That brings much joy. That is all for now...

I Am...

I took this from my friend's Sarah's Blog...

I am: a child of God, lover of Jesus, lucky wife, blessed step mom, and always learning
I think: that wisdom doesn't always come with age
I know: that God loves me, my family loves me, and my husband loves me
I want: to be able to give more
I have: many faults that need worked on
I wish: that parents didn't abuse their children
I hate: selfishness
I miss: my husband when he is away on work and my family
I fear: that I may not be able to have children of my own
I feel: very blessed
I hear: the familiar voices of co-workers coming to work
I smell: the lotion I just put on my hands
I crave: something that will make me not feel so tired
I search: for accurate information about the candidates to try and make an informed decision
I wonder: what our world is going to look like at the end of my life time
I regret: making financial decisions that resulted in bad debt
I love: snuggling with my husband
I ache: for the children and adolescents that I see that have no hope for the future
I care: about people and their stories
I always: worry about my weight
I am not: a shopper
I believe: that God is good and that He is in control
I dance: whenever I can, especially when my dad is around
I sing: all the time and when I am not singing, I whistle
I don’t always: do my chores
I fight: when I feel that there is injustice
I write: in my journal when I need to unload and process
I win: hardly ever; thank goodness I am not competitive
I lose: all the time; thank goodness I am not competitive
I never: could make up some of the stuff I hear and see at work
I confuse: my husband on a regular basis
I listen: to a lot of hurt throughout my days
I can usually be found: at work or at home...but not always :)
I am scared: of missing my purpose
I need: help all the time.
I am happy about: getting a reliable vehicle that meets our needs as a family

Hooray for September

Well I am glad that it is September. So far it has been a good three days :) We had a good labor day weekend. My mom and sister and her boyfriend came to visit. We went out to eat, played put-put golf, watched movies and had good discussions. On Labor Day, we had Blake and celebrated Rusty's mom's birthday. I am thankful for extra time that I have had with my sister in the last week. We drove down together to my grandfather's funeral and it was nice to just have sister time and then she stayed with us over the weekend. Rusty and I were blessed to get my grandfather's minivan. It is very nice and an answer to prayer b/c the Bronco was making some suspicious sounds. Rusty only has a couple of more weeks of being gone during the weekdays. I have been passing my time with Olympics and National Conventions. I have to say that this election is very interesting and confusing at the same time. It will definately be a history maker no matter who is elected. I just wish that it wasn't so hard to get accurate information that is not so biased and fake. Anyway, I digress. So I am looking forward in the next few weeks to have my schedule be normal, have time and energy to clean my house, to have our life group start again, get plugged in with a women's group through our church and to have my husband home with me all the time. Happy September!!!

Ready for September

Well the month of August has turned out to be a rough month. Rusty and I had another miscarriage. That was very hard and I missed a week of work. My grandfather passed away on Sunday and my poor dad had to find him. That made me the most sad. And to top it all off, Rusty is going to be gone Monday through Friday for the next four to six weeks for work. As my supervisor stated when it rains it poors. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude. I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control and he a good, good God. He has a plan and it is a great one and he it going to turn all the hard into things that bring him glory and us good.

Rough Night

Let me start from the beginning. Keifer was our family cat. Rusty had had Keifer for roughy 14 years. He was one of those cats that was a cuddler. He was a big cat and had good vocal cords and would let you know when things were not going his way. He was Rusty's cat until we got married and then he became more my cat. We would snuggle at night and he liked to sleep sprawled on my neck or shoulder or tucked under my arm. Well last night Keifer got sick all of a sudden and then started breathing really heavy. I contacted the on call vet and we were going to just keep an eye on him. Then about fifteen minutes later, Keifer started throwing up blood and so I called my in-laws to come and stay at the house b/c I had Blake and didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night to take the cat to the vet. So my father-in-law stayed at the house and my mother-in-law came with me to the vet. (You may be wondering where Rusty is. He is currently working up in Wyoming/Montana this week and won't be home until next week). But Keifer had already passed away by the time we made it the Vet. He apparently had a heart aneurism and died in less than a hour of getting sick. It was sad but I am glad that he went quickly and that Rusty and Blake didn't have to see him sick and can just remember him as the fun, beautiful, full of personality cat that he was. Blake and I joked this morning that Keifer was up with God a young cat just running around outside and having fun. Bye, Keifer.

Miscommunication

Please refer to previous blog. I meant that I had NO depression. Not that I was depressed :) OOPS :)

Hello Thirties

Well I am officially no longer in my twenties. I manages to get through my thirtieth birthday with depression in regards to getting on year older. I am not together surprised b/c I haven't had difficulty with any other age. But I did get to thinking about what happened in the last 10 years and it seems like forever ago since I turned twenty. I remember how happy I was not to be in my teens anymore. The rest of my twenties are slightly a blur and I can't remember much of what I did during that time. There was a lot that changed during that time however. I moved a ton of times, had several different jobs, lots of family changes, went to graduate school, started a career, got married, and grew leaps and bounds in the Lord. I am thoroughly convinced that the twenties are for self discovery and are jammed packed full of changes. I have enjoyed my twenties but I think that I am ready for my thirties. It just makes you wonder what in the world is going to happen in the next 10 years ?!!!

Camping Trip

Rusty, Blake and I went for a five day camping trip to the area around Lake City. We had a good time fishing, hiking, hanging out with family, and watching the fire works. Rusty's aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin's friends, and dad came up a few days after us and we had a good time. Blake was a trooper and was so proud that we went for five days. It was time for us to go home on the fifth day however. Blake was having more melt downs and fantom stomach pains and it was reported that the rain set in. We took our two dogs who managed to run off a few times but always found their way home. We had only had the one dog for about a week and she had a harder time with following directions than Tanner. Blake informed me when we got home that we didn't have to poop in a hole anymore. That is when you know you really went camping :) I am still amazed at the amount of laundry after camping b/c you have to wash the clothes that weren't worn b/c they still got dirty. I think this will probably become a family tradition. Time will tell.

New Addition

We have a new addition to our family. It is a one year old lab mix dog named Cloe. We had some friends that didn't want her anymore due to not being able to spend enough time with her to train her. She is much smaller than Tanner (thank goodness) but it is a house full with two dogs and a cat. Rusty is very excited to have two bird dogs and Cloe is learning fast the rules of the house and learning how to heel on her leash. It should be an adventure, we are taking Blake and the two dogs camping for five days. I'll let you know how it goes. By the way anyone, how do you post pictures in your blog? I am not the most technilogically inclined :)

Road Trips/Birthday parties

We made it to go see my grandpa in Arizona. It was a lot of driving through a lot of nothingness. That is the desert for you. We drove down there on Friday and got in around 6 PM. Left his house with my dad at 5 AM to drive to Phoenix to get my grandpa's fifth wheel. We got into Phoenix around 8 AM and then left at around 10 AM. The temp was at 105 when we were heading out. We got back to St John's at around 3 PM and then were back on the road at 5:30 AM and got back to Montrose at around 12 PM. Lots of road time, but it sure was nice to get back in Colorado with all the green and the cool, fresh air of the mountains. It was refreshing. Then at 3 PM we had our niece's first birthday party with lots of people, kids and presents. She got all kinds of presents but I was so excited when she was the most interested in the book that she got from us. I wanted to say "see all is not lost with our youth." What was sad was that was the only book. But she got a lot of the Leap Frog stuff that makes noises and has lights and is educational. So, not terrible. It was a busy weekend which made for a rough Monday morning :)

The Latest...

So the verdict on the car is that it is not worth fixing. I was right the engine went and to fix it would cost more than the car is worth. So we are down to a Ford Bronco (not exactly fuel efficient). So that means no long road trips for this chick for a time. On the same day that we found out about the car, we found out that our cat has diabetes and has to be given shots twice per day and that Blake broke his arm jumping on a trampoline. It was a very expensive day :) On a brighter note over memorial day weekend we went on our first backpacking trip to the National Monument. The weather cooperated and we walked our legs off and had a good time. We have also gotten to go mountain biking a few times now up near Grand Junction and have had good times doing that. We are just trucking through life it seems and nearing our first year anniversary. Pretty crazy! We are looking forward to going to visit my grandpa in Arizona in a couple of weeks. He has been sick and it is just time. This is a time that finances be damned family is too important.

Car Saga

So, I know most of you know the trouble that I have had with my car. I have put a new transmission in it, a new fuel system, a new muffler, two new mirrors, had to bypass the keys system so that I could afford extra keys, a new clutch, a new radiator, etc. I thought that I had finally fixed everything and I would have a period of not having to fix my car. Wrong. The other night it just decided to start making this horrible clanking noise and not start. I think that the engine has finally went. That is the only thing that I haven't fix in it. The thing that gets me is that the car is a 2001. Not that old! Things are just not made like they used to be. The other ironic thing is that we had called this week to get knew tires for it today. It died yesterday. Ugggh! So the money we would use to get tires will know have to go to getting it fixed AGAIN! I hate motorized vehicles. Thankfully we are almost completely non dependent on our vehicles. Rusty and I can walk to work, the grocery, the library, downtown, and anywhere else we can ride our bikes. So there you stupid car you can't stop us! Other than make us broke :( Where is a rich relative when I need one :) Oh well, so goes life...

Soap Box

Rusty talked about doing a letter to the editor. I decided I would vent on my blog. Since we move to our house in town. We both are either walking or riding out bikes to work almost daily. Here is my gripe. I have almost been hit by a car twice! That is right twice. I was over half way across the crosswalk this most recent time. I could have knocked on the lady's car window before she saw me. I have decided that we as a society don't feel that we really have to stop at stop signs. Most cars I see only slow down but rarely stop. It makes me concerned about the children who are walking to school and it makes me disenchanged further with our society. No one stops for pedectians anymore! No one stops behind the crosswalk anymore! If we want people to stop driving and use alternative transportation then we had better start making using those alternatives safer and user friendly. I am afraid of riding my bike b/c of the likelyhood of getting killed is very high. I just wish that people did not feel that they were above the laws but respected them and also other people. The character of our society is going down hill fast and this is one of the glaring examples of how. Ok, now I feel better. Thanks :)

Recent Medical Development

...the story of the fat lip...so since I was around 16 years old I developed this cyst on my lip that is a "mucus cyst" according to the doctors. I had is removed at one time in my teens but it decided to come back. It has never really been a problem until about a week ago. It just started to get bigger and get more annoying and was chewing on it constantly. Anyway, on Monday it decided to rupture internally and caused a very nice bruise as well as get bigger. So I looked like I had a fat lip with a bruise. Ironically Rusty hurt his wrist playing golf and thought that he had broke something due to the pain. I thought to myself...Great people are going to think Rusty hit me and hurt his wrist...there is a great way to get rumors going...anyway, yesterday I met with the ear, nose and throat specialist and had it removed. Time must make you forget b/c I do not remember it hurting that bad or looking this bad. So now I have a fat lip, that is bloody, bruised and has stitches. GREAT!!! Thankfully today it doesn't look as bruised but it still swollen. I just keep wondering what my client's think...looking at my face and wondering what in heaven's name is wrong with that girl's face or what kind of fight did she get into. It was also very interesting that it took people at work a while to notice and then another waiting time to finally ask what was wrong with my lip...somewhat awkward telling them I have cyst in my lip...you just never know what life is going to deal you...

Sub Cultures...

There are many subcultures in our world. Some more obvious than others. I have recently discovered the subculture of the Archer. Let me try to paint the scene through the eyes of an innocent bystander. It starts out with just hunting with a bow rather than a rifle. The bow adds challenge and makes you have to get within at least 50 ft of the animal but most of the time 30 ft. That is looking them practically in the eye balls! Then it moves forward to competitive archery. In competitive archery, you have the bow hunters who are just practicing all the way to pros that have numerous sponsors and a variety of bows and equipment. I do not think people realize that this world really exists but it does. But there is not just one thing to shoot at, oh no, that would be too simple. They have several targets that include three spots and five spots, with each spot equally different points. The goal is get the highest score with the most Xs. It doesn't stop at paper targets, then you get to 3D targets. You have targets that look like elk, turkeys, moose, deer, dinosaurs, snakes, racoons, sheep etc... arranged in a variety of positions on hills, in trees, in bushes, and around rocks. Oh but it doesn't stop there, now you have different classes for which sights you use, which bows you use, and how you shoot the bow whether with your fingers or with a release.

I know that you are wondering how I know about this subculture. I married into it. It is facinating and one that I will potentially dabble in. Anyway I thought that I would assist in the broadening of your cultural awareness:)

Life...

I am always amazed at how life works and how we are none of us exempt from the good parts and the hard. There has been much that has happened since we took our vows in July. We went on our honeymoon and stayed in a quaint little cabin and enjoyed nature and riding our mountain bikes. Rusty realized that Telluride wasn't such a bad place and we both wished we had more vacation time. We got home from the honeymoon and my grandmother decided that it was best for all that we find our own home to live in. We had knew that this was coming but didn't know how to broach the question and so again God showed himself in control. Well, starting in August we started our search for shelter :) We went through all our options and decided that buying a house would be best. What a process! It was a good dose of reality and a shark realization of how people and society are living beyond their means. We were blessed to find a house that was centrally located to where Rusty and I can both walk to work. We moved in in the middle of October. It took me over a month to decorate and it has started feeling like our home. In the midst of moving in and all the other transitions, we learned that we were pregnant. It came as a surprise as we were not planning on it at this time, but we were trusting God's timing. Well last week, I started bleeding very badly and had an ultrasound done and confirmed that we had a miscarriage.

So just as we were getting adjusted to the idea of having a new addition to our family, we were having to readjust again and still trust in God's timing and staying focused on the truth that he is in control. We had great support from family and friends and I couldn't have been more thankful that Thanksgiving was that week and we were surrounded by my and Rusty's family.

We both are doing well and have found peace in God's grace and love. My body is finally getting back to normal and I am feeling like myself again energy wise. This time has just reminded me of how important it is to have family and friends that you can share the good and the hard with and be able to share LIFE with...

It is Official

Well it is official, I am married. It was a great day! I will start with Friday. All lot of people came on Thursday and Friday. The down side on all of it was the unfortunate time spend at Sam's Club and Walmart to get food items. My dad and the boys were hard at work roasting the hog and setting up, while Becky and I made 9 batches of yummy brownies. The "theme" for Friday nights hog roast was all local food. The hog was from down the road, the corn was Olathe Sweet Corn, the cole slaw was made from cabbage from the neighbor's garden, and the beans were homemade by a good friend (I don't know where the beans came from :) ). The recipe for the brownies originated with one of grandma's oldest friends. It was a great night. There were around 100 people and there were quite a few people that got to come Friday and not Saturday. There was the normal group playing their guitars and normal "East Mesa" fun :) Then Saturday started with us meeting first thing in the morning to set up the chairs and sound system and have a rehearsal. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it we were running late and flying down the road to drop off the Bronco (hide it) and get to the ceremony to get dressed and start photos. I got ready in about 15 minutes (my hair was done thank goodness). I walked out to start photos and Rusty saw me and I thought that I might have to do the Heimlich b/c he choked and almost started to cry when he saw me. It was GREAT!! We got pictures started and thankfully got all of the family pictures done before the ceremony b/c the kids were not having pictures after. The ceremony was perfect. There was a huge storm coming and right when everything got started and the wind started blowing and I thought we might get slammed, but it stayed right there and the wind calmed down. It was like God was saying I am right here, holding back the storm. The ceremony went without a glitch. The funniest thing was Rusty's 3 year old niece throughout the ceremony would go in front of everyone to sit on a rock and could not be bothered by her dress so hiked it up for everyone to see. Priceless :) The reception was great. The food was great and I had friends from work do all the serving and they did awesome. Instead of wedding cake, we had cheesecake and there were incredible looking. We danced and chatted. The night went quickly but it wasn't stressful and I enjoyed every minute of it. The only thing is that I wish everyone could have been there :)

10 YEARS

So this last weekend I went to my ten year class reunion in Brush, CO. I hadn't been in my home town since about 2000. The nice thing about that area of the country is that it doesn't change drastically unlike the Western part of Colorado. I really had a good time seeing everyone and catching up with classmates. Those are some of the only people in your life that you really know their families, their parents, their siblings. It was a very validating experience. It was a little surreal not being recognized by people even though you feel that you haven't changed that much. It is great to be told that you look great and to be around the people that used to accentuate your insecurities and have them now validate your security in yourself. It was just a real confirmation that I have really changed and I am not the person that left Brush, CO ten years ago. I am more fully who I am now, if that makes any sense at all :)

Other news, I have 2.5 weeks before the wedding day. I am getting excited. I am looking forward to seeing family and friends and having a good time. I am looking forward to the preparation and seeing how things turn out. I am looking forward to who actually comes and who doesn't. I am looking forward to what makes the day unique from others, what good stories are going to come about. I am looking forward to being "officially" married and being able to enter into the transition of marriage fully.

Well, enough for now.

Man, Life has hit worp speed!

So life has gotten very busy very quickly. I started a new position at work two weeks ago. I love it!!! It is M-F, regular 40 hour week with no on-call. I have my weekends off and paid holidays. YIPEEE!! Granted I don't have my week off, but I am so thankful for a regular set schedule that I can make plans around. I am the intake/access clinician at the Center for Mental Health. I am really the gatekeeper for people that are wanting to get mental health treatment at the Center. I will also have my own clients eventually, which will be great experience.

The wedding plans are going well. Thankfully that has not been stressful other than figuring out how to pay for it. But that will get taken care of over time. Rusty and I are doing great! We are doing a parenting class and also pre-marital counseling. We really like the pre-marital counseling. We are ready for the parenting class to be done. It is done through the department of health and human services and has much to be desired (in my clinical opinion ;) ).

We are trying to stay focused on our relationship and our hope is to have a fun get together that is called a wedding that we get to enjoy our friends and family.

I do have some prayer requests. The first is that you would pray for Rusty's son Blake. We have been having trouble with his mother and had to go to a lawyer in order to submit a parenting plan to the court so that she could not change visitation on a whim. That has been one of the most stressful things I have ever been through. Second, for our families that they will be able to let go and transition through this time of change. Third, Rusty has a job interview tomorrow for a much better job. We are praying that he gets it and can leave where he is working. It is just an unhealthy business that has unhealthy business practices.

Thanks!!! I hope that I get to see some of you this summer in Colorado!!!

More later...Laura

I am engaged!

Well life has taken another large turn. But man this is a turn that I have been waiting for a LONG TIME! I am not sure where to begin other than God is amazing!!!!! Rusty and I started dating on February 14. Our first date we went out to lunch and ended up talking for four hours. We went out a few more times and then I took him to Durango to meet my dad and help with a building project Dad was working on. After that weekend, we have been pretty inseperable. A few weeks ago, we were taking our daily walk and Rusty asked me if I saw us together forever and I could say without a doubt that I could. Well, this weekend my sister and Dad came up for a visit. Rusty was able to talk with my dad and proposed to my on Saturday afternoon in my Grandmother's kitchen. We were alone and he just couldn't wait any longer and he got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. Of course, I said YES! We went into the Den and told my Dad and sister, both of whom where shocked! Then his family, who already knew what he was going to do, came over for dinner and we were all able to celebrate. It was cool b/c Saturday was his grandparents wedding aniversary.

His family and my family are very excited. I am surprised at how fast it happened but I don't feel like we are rushing anything. It is so weird. All the little details that were orchestrated by God for us to meet and the little details that were answered for us to fit together is mind boggling. I met Rusty b/c his mother is my supervisor at work. His sister also works in the same office. It is funny b/c it took him about six months to work up the courage to ask me out :) God had really been working in his heart and brought us together at just the right time in his walk and in mine. We both love the outdoors and being active. He is very handy around the house and you all know my propensity toward manual labor :) He has a three year old son but he is a good dad and love kiddos. We started going to a good church in town and started going to a small group of four other couples. The timing on everything has been perfect.

I am so excited about the future and excited to share this fun time and transition with all of you. I promise I will post a picture as soon as I get one and figure out how to post it :)

More details to come...

How quickly things can change...

Well, in the last month things have definitely taken a turn. Thankfully I can say that they are all very good turns. I am just amazed at how quickly life can change and switch directions. You spend so much time thinking things are never going to change and then voila! things change. I think one can only appreciate the amazingness of this when you contemplate the amazingness of God and how intimately and intricately He is involved in each individual life.

The first turn that has happened is that God brought a man into my life. Talk about shift in thinking. It is a new relationship, but the more we are together the more we want to be together and so I am feeling pretty darn good about it. That in and of itself is amazing. This relationship is not stressful. It isn't hard work. We just enjoy each other. I am almost worried b/c it is too easy. Silly :)

The second interesting turn is that I met my "boyfriend" b/c he is my supervisor's son at work. Minor complication. So b/c of that and b/c we are getting more serious I have applied for another position at my job. This job would be a normal schedule with the perks of paid holidays and paid vacation. It would include me doing more intensive clinic work with clients as well as doing intakes for people that are wanting mental health services. What is funny about this is that this position is perfect for me, but I would have never applied for it if God hadn't brought someone new into my life. His plan is perfect and his timing is perfect and I hope that I am continually amazed by how personal he is and how close he is.

That is the latest. FYI the weather has been BEAUTIFUL and I am ecstatic!

It's snowing, again!

We have had a week of really nice weather and today it started snowing. I am instantly disheartened. I want it to get warm so bad! I keep reminding myself everyday that the days are only getting longer and are only going to get warmer (sort of).

I did get to enjoy the winter weather a few weeks ago. A friend from Germany came and spent the week with me. We spent four days skiing the slopes at three different ski resorts. We went to two different natural hot springs and took two snow shoeing expeditions. We had a great time enjoying God's creation and each others company. She is one that just enjoys every little detail of life and takes tons of pictures. We drove probably seven hundred miles in five days in just Western Colorado. It was great!

Please forgive me for the randomness, but lately I have been contemplating the season of Lent and why we celebrate it and how it is celebrated. It has been very interesting. I have been contemplating how I can celebrate this season. It is a season that symbolizes so many things. It symbolizes Jesus' journey to the cross and the celebration of his life and the overcoming of sin. It is a season of reflection to recognize how our own sin instigated that journey and how we are on that journey ourselves. It is a season of renewal, recognizing the new life that we have, seeing spring in our own spirits were there is new growth showing after a season of winter. It is a season of refocusing of what is important and kind of doing spring cleaning in our hearts, minds, and spirits. I had never really put much thought into this tradition and season until this year, but now that I have I am again reminded of the amazing love of our Father, the incredible sacrifice of Jesus, and the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit. I have of late really been reconciling myself to my own weakness and vulnerability. My own humanness scares me. But God, is my strength. He defends me. He protects me. He is dependable and trustworthy.

I pray that all of us in this time of reflecting on the journey of Jesus to the cross are further reconciled to who we are and who God is and who we are in Him.

Love to all,
Laura

Just an Update

Well, the holiday season is over. Although you wouldn't tell it by my house b/c I have yet to take the Christmas decorations down. I think that I am not going to get in a hurry about it either. This years holiday season would be rated as fair to good. Grandma and I made it to Denver for Christmas squeezing in between the two gigantic snow storms. Don't get me wrong I had my fair share of horrible traffic and bad roads, but not unbearable. I sure was glad to get back over the mountain where the pace is a bit slower and there are far fewer people :) My favorite present this year was a heated mattress pad, Divine!, and a warm, cute hat to keep my head warm in the subarctic weather.

For New Year's Eve, I took the day off from work and went snow shoeing. We walked for about six miles. It was fun but heaven's my body was feeling it. I do love snow shoeing. Then that night I went with some friends to a New Year's party where I learned to Black Jack and danced in the New Year. I am always amazed at my difficiancy with number. Really, is it so hard to count to 21? I sure think so :) On New Year's day, I hybernated in my room under a heated blanket and really tried to reflect on the year past and what I want in the present year. It was so refreshing to journal again. I haven't done it in so long.

God has really been reminding me here lately that He is my first love. That he is the source of all of my needs and He is sufficiant. What a good reminder. What a refreshing reminder. He really is good!!!

Some fun highlights of the last few weeks were: throwing a good friend a birthday bash with enchiladas, margaritas, and homemade carrot cake. It was so fun! I love cooking and throwing parties. Who knew :) ; my dad coming to visit over the weekend and just hanging out watching football, reading books and making Chili; and awaiting future adventures to come in the new year.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!

I don't know about you but Christmas has gotten here very quickly and I feel like it will be here and gone and I won't know what happened. I hope that I can enjoy the time with friends and family and cherish the little moments that make this season special. It definitely takes a conscious effort.

I will be going to Denver for Christmas. I will drive me and Grandma over the mountain on Christmas Eve to spend it with my mom, her husband, my sister, and her boyfriend. I hope that the roads are clear by then. I find it very funny that the snow storm in Denver has gotten so much news and publicity. It is not so unusual for it to Blizzard like that. Things must be slow on the news front. It will definitely be a white Christmas for the state of Colorado. As much as I dislike driving in the snow and bad roads, I do like it when snow is blanketing the ground for Christmas. I definitely helps the mood :)

I pray that you all have a wonderful Christmas with friends and family. I pray that we are all reminded of the love, mercy, and grace of Christ as we celebrate His coming to us. I pray that His love will fill your hearts and that you will continually be filled with his Spirit throughout this New Year we are embarking upon.

Love and Hugs to you all.

Thankful on Thanksgiving

I found that there was a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

So here is my list: 1) God's provision: I was able to make Thanksgiving dinner and had the money to buy all the food and not stress 2) all the fam made it: mom and Al, Becky and her boyfriend, and my dad! 3) Al made it through the holidays and interacted more with us than ever before (miracle)! 4) amazing community of people (5 or 6 families came together on Thanksgiving and ate together) 5) A God that is in everything, who is faithful and good, and listens with perfect love and answers with our ultimate best at heart.

I wonder often why it is so hard to really tap into the essence of the holidays that we celebrate. It is so easy to go through the motions and lose sight of why we are doing what we are doing. When that happens the magic of the holidays is lost. In my job I have found that it is not always useful to focus on the "why". Like why did this happen to that person or why is this person the way that they are. It is much better to focus with people on "what and how". What is helping, how is your behavior helping or hindering you, what can we do to help right now. But with the holidays, I think it is important to ask why. Why are things important to us? I think sometimes understanding the "why" helps us to move into the "what and hows". So I guess the questions I keep asking myself are "how am I going to make this holiday season meaningful and not just go through the motions?" and "what does a meaningful holiday season look like?". Hmm....thoughts to ponder.

The Latest

Well, on Friday my grandmother tripped and fell and gave herself a black eye on the right, cut her left ear, and hurt her left knee. To say the least it was quite a spill and was quite a scare. Praise God, she didn't break anything or crack her head open. But due to severely bruising her knee, she was pretty immobile Friday night and all day Saturday. Through this little episode, I realized a few things. I truly realized how independence can be taken to an extreme. My grandma wouldn't let me help her up even. I had to become bossy and strict in order for her to sit down and let me do stuff. Somehow, my grandmother was bossy, demanding, and independent all at the same time.

This I do know. God has me living with her for a reason. I think that one of the biggest reasons is to work on my heart. My grandma can get under my skin and tick me off faster than anyone in my life. I wanted to help her, but when you feel like you have to fight to do it, you start to resent what they ask you to do. It is so hard to have a servant heart when you feel like what you are doing is wrong and you are treated like you don't know anything. With my grandma, I know that she doesn't mean to come across that way, but the way that she says stuff and the tone of her voice evokes feelings that go against reasoning.

Here are some conclusions that I ended the weekend with: you have to let the person be (if they insist on doing things that are not the best, you have to let them deal with the consequences); it is essential to ask for help and let others help you (that is the beauty of interdependence); and
we have to take care of ourselves body, mind, and spirit (quality if far better than quantity).

On a more positive note, I did get to go visit a church that I think I will like. What I need most right now is good peer Christian fellowship. I am hoping that by finding a different church that I will find that. I know that it is not going to be like The Grove and the small groups will not be like my community group, of which I am missing a ton, but I have to put forth the effort of building new relationships keeping in check my expectations, knowing that I can not recreate the past, but trusting in my God that He can do far more than I can ask or imagine.

The journey of life is funny that way. The flesh wants it to be easy and recreatable, but the spirit knows that is not what is best and so hence forth we go on our adventure just waiting to see what is around the bend or over the mountain. How thankful I am that I have learned to trust in God and His character to know that He is going to bring about my best.

Thoughts

These last few weeks I have had a lot of time to talk with friends and contemplate the direction of my life. On my mind, as of late, has been my single hood and my ideas about dating. I feel like I am going through a paradigm shift. My great wish is that I could get in the minds of men. I go through stages and right now I am going through my stage of what in the world is wrong with me. If I could somehow figure out my flaws then maybe I would at least have some male friends. I am getting to the point where I just want to do a random survey. How sad is it to wish that there is a flaw because then it can be fixed, but what if there is nothing to be done and I am stuck here. Frightful!! I want to blame it on my weight and the shallowness of men, but alas I think that I am off base. Even though I do believe that my believe about my weight and how I perceive myself affects how others see me. Am I destined to be single? Is there someone out there for me to share life with? What am I going to do if I get to be 35 and exactly the same place that I was when I was 23? Will I keep trusting God with all of it and leaning on His Goodness? I pray so!!!

New Adventures

Well it is afficial, my dad is moving down to Arizona. I helped him move some of his stuff this weekend. I can't believe it, but it had been fifteen years since I had been to my Grandpa's house in Arizona. YIKES!! I stayed with my Grandpa and a friend from Germany that was visiting for a few days. We had a good time.

Highlights: talking with Suzanne, frying fish and making coleslaw, German beer (so good), looking at pictures, laughing, listening to my Grandpa's generations music, rock hunting in the middle of nowhere and getting a flat tire, Suzanne and I taking a run around St. Johns, flying home with Suzanne as the pilot and Grandpa as copilot, eating breakfast at Starvin' Arvins with Grandpa, Suzanne, Dad, and Norma (stepdaughter of Grandpa's) and savering syrup drenched pancakes, taking Suzanne to hog farm and picking green beans, watching them take off from the airport and knowing that they know that I love them dearly.

So know, I am planning at trip for next October to visit Suzanne in Germany and celebrate Oktoberfest. I am excited!!!! Also am contemplating getting my pilot's license. It would make it much easier to visit all the people that I love. I don't know, but it is an idea :)

Tough Week

So, I just got a trailer full of stuff from my dad. It included all of the antiques that we grew up with and other miscellaneous items like our old toys, books from childhood, etc. I also had to move my stuff that doesn't fit in my grandmother's house (which is almost everything) b/c my stuff was taking up too much space where it was. This experience has been one of the most frustrating times thus far in my life for a number of reasons. Reason #1: I should not be responsible for this stuff yet. I want the stuff but the timing is way off. Divorce SUCKS!! Reason #2: Both my parents don't want the stuff but still feel obligated to tell me what I need to do with it. I think that when you give stuff up that you negate the right to have an opinion about it. Reason #3: I had to get friends of ours to help me to get the stuff up here and to unload b/c my dad was too busy. I HATE having to get other people involved in my problems and this was one problem that I could do nothing about. All the stuff was too big for me to move around. Reason #4: My grandmother has a house full of crap and won't get rid of anything, but yet I had to move my stuff again so that she could get to boxes that are full of junk that she hasn't even thought about in probably 15 years and then she acts concerned about my stuff. AHHHH!!!! Then she couldn't understand why I was frustrated and wouldn't quit bugging me. To say the least we had a meeting of the minds. Reason #5: I have all of this stuff that I would love to be able to use and I have no where to go with it. I am having to store everything and that bugs me (for reasons that I have yet to sort out).

But on a lighter note: I had three friends tell me that they are expecting new additions to their families. Yeah!! Another baby boom! I am seriously getting way behind in the maturity transitions. I seem to be stuck in the out of college transition. Now I am getting worried that I have been single for so long that I won't be able to make the transition to anything else. I am sure glad that the Lord is patient and loves me without conditions b/c at times I am a tough case :)

Oh how I love WATER!!

Last week I got to spend three days on Lake Powell in Utah on a houseboat. It is a beautiful place with lots of rock structures. I got to enjoy two absolutely beautiful sunrises and got to swim in water for hours at a time. I also tried to water ski. It was not pretty, but I did get standing a couple of times. It is humbling not to be able to do something when you try. I met a couple really neat couples. One couple was a retired National Guard Sargeant who is now living out his hippy days :) He has a long beard and long hair and is on a crash course of learning to be chill and play with all the toys (fishing, guitar, etc.) that he has accumulated over the years. His wife is a geologist for the National Guard and a hip fifty something lady. The other couple was a classmate of my mother's and a former student of my Grandmother (weird) but he had probably 6-10 fishing poles on his boat and enjoying the heck out of getting to fish at anytime, anywhere and his wife had a really quick sense of humor so we spend a lot of the time laughing and enjoying good food. Now I am back and working. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to have the job I have right now that allows me to have time to go on these little adventures and enjoy God's creation.

Hunting for mushrooms

So this weekend, I did some stuff I had never done. First, I helped butcher and dress chickens. I helped get the feathers off and get them ready to freeze. I learned how to cut them up in proper parts. I know that is sounds gross and it did smell at times, but I don't get freaked out by that kind of stuff and I like learning how to do it like they did "in the old days". Second, I went hunting for the King Boletus mushroom. The most sought after mushroom in the world. It is huge and it is edible. So we went tromping through the woods about an hour and half away from my house for these mushrooms. We found some. I had no idea that there were so many differnt kinds of mushrooms. There are mushrooms that look like coral. WEIRD!! Anyway, I pulled off some recipes from the internet and cooked up my wild mushrooms. It was a great time, but not something one thinks to do on a Sunday morning :)

Good week of randomness

Well this last week has been good, but random. I started out by going to my dad's b/c my aunt and uncle were visiting from Pennsylvania. My grandpa came up from Arizona. On Friday, I got to go horseback riding and flyfishing with my dad and uncle and some really neat teenage girls. They were so refreshing and gave me hope for the future generation. It was great, I practiced my flyfishing technique, I finally got to where I could get the line out in the river and not get snaged. It was a major feet :) I got to ride horses, which I LOVE and I got to just sit out in God's beauty and be amazed. Doesn't get much better than that! Then the next day, I got to just hang out with my grandpa, just the two of us and hear stories. It was great. Then Sunday, my grandpa celebrated his 88 birthday. YIKES! We had friends come over and had hamburgers. I made a cake and made homemade icing. It turned out great! It was the first b-day cake my grandpa had had in 50 years. So needless to say he was super blessed and I had a great time.

Next, I drove to see Becky in the Springs and that was good to see her and her new apartment and spend some more time getting to know her boyfriend. I got to spend some time with college friends, both married and one just had a baby in June (so cute!). Then I headed up to Denver to see my second parents, who had just gotten back from a month in Europe (so jealous).

Anyway, here are the really random things. First, I got to talk with one of my best friends from High School, who found me from my blog. CRAZY! I hadn't talked with her in probably 7 or 8 years. It was great catching up. Second, my "second parents" went to a conference in Norway (For Iranian Christians) and met this guy. He is a Dentist in Sweden. Anyway, they were talking and a lot of the men over there made the comment that the Iranian women in Europe were only concerned with how much money they made and what they could buy them. Cathy and Bahram proceeded to tell them about me and how that was not the case. Well, this gentleman wanted to meet me and so Cathy called me and told me about him and gave me his email address. So know I am corresponding with a 38 year old Iranian Dentist, who lives in Sweden. Now, you can't get much more random than that.

Oh, how life is funny and I mean both haha and weird!